Episode: 509
Title: HPR0509: Binrev Radio Lost episode - Telephonic Craptacular
Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr0509/hpr0509.mp3
Transcribed: 2025-10-07 22:06:42

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What you're doing with this lady?
WHAT DO YOU have?
This is dedicated to all the hackers and the crackers.
I see in a binary, I speak source code, step on my toes, I'll post a million jangpacks if you're in a fat bone.
In your digital stance, you can fire a walled hole, cause I'm right in the net in my six foes.
I was a dick with my fifth and sixth, now with my cable I'm able to get that stable.
On the out, my name is Jason Amalillo, on the digital highway, my name is Neil, when I'm a hero.
In a flash, I'll sue you on burgundy gas, you need some ISO.
Let me do my hard drive rifle, or exchange you could never stifle.
In a digital hood, you just caught the love bird, I bootleg to see him.
I cause the fight between un-MJC, you see G, it's all good to be free.
Whether we take it by force or we take it nicely, you feel that rattling in bones.
When I take it, we just tack down Jones, and now stack, leave your power in your back.
Cause I am weak, we love to hack and crack.
Cause I am weak, we love to hack and crack.
This is dedicated to the hackers and the crows.
There real fun, source code like so, random, fifth, sixth, dedicated to the hack and crack.
What, wait a minute, what do we, we gotta do, okay, yeah, I guess we gotta,
guess we gotta do something for this, for this lost week, this missing week that we've got in our schedule here.
Because last week, we filmed the final episode of Benrev Radio, episode 156, the final episode of season three.
But we don't do the first episode of season four of Benrev Radio until, hope number six, next weekend, up in New York City.
So, for this week's episode on Tuesday, July 18th, 2006, we've kinda got a gap, a missing week.
Now, this should have been the first episode of season four this week, but then we'd be presenting episode two at Hope in New York.
And that's not really a milestone of any kind.
So, we could just skip this week, or we could bring to you episode number 156.5, a half level episode.
And go back to an old Benrev tradition of a little something we like to call a telephonic craptacular.
All right, what we're gonna do now is play around with one of those survey numbers that you might get on receipt sometimes.
I go to one of my favorite restaurants, Cracker Barrel, which I do get a lot of jokes about from Mr. Dool Parallel, our good friend.
But, I seem to get a survey on every single one of my receipts from Cracker Barrel.
So, being the curious one that I am, I always try to look and see how they come up with some of these codes,
if the randomly generated, if there's some sort of pattern, et cetera.
So, what I'm gonna do, first of all, is just call the number on here.
And that number is 1-888-678-584-5.
Now, there's other numbers I've noticed as well as at least two numbers.
For English, press 1.
Welcome to Cracker Barrel's guest satisfaction survey.
We appreciate your participation and value your opinion.
In order to complete this survey, you must be using a touchtone phone and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about a specific concern, please call 800-333-9566.
Otherwise, please stay on the line to complete our survey.
Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
All right, so, I'm gonna enter in this access code.
And you can decode the tones if you want. It's not a big deal.
It's for the most part randomly generated, but we're gonna talk about more about that a little later.
At the end of the survey, you will be given a chance to enter a monthly drawing for a chance to win a Cracker Barrel rocker.
Please answer the following questions about your visit to the Cracker Barrel where you received this invitation.
Press the key on your phone that best represents your response.
To repeat any question, press the star key.
Now, using a five-point scale where five is highly satisfied or is satisfied, three is neither satisfied nor dissatisfied, two is dissatisfied, and one is highly dissatisfied.
Please rate your overall satisfaction with your experience at this Cracker Barrel.
Remember, five is highly satisfied, three is now using a five-point scale where five is highly satisfied, four is satisfied, three is neither satisfied nor dissatisfied, two is dissatisfied, and one is highly dissatisfied.
Please rate the taste of your food.
Thank you for your feedback, and now we'd like to enter you in our monthly drawing for a Cracker Barrel rocker.
Winners will be contacted by phone. You will only be contacted if you are a winner. Please enter your home telephone number beginning with the three-digit area code now.
Oh, that would be 8-0-0-5-5-5-1-2-1-2.
The number you entered is area code 8-0-0-5-5-5-1-2-1-2. If this is correct, press 1. If this is not correct, press 2.
To complete your entry, we must confirm that you are at least 18 years old to be eligible to participate. Please enter your age followed by the pound sign now.
Well, I am exactly 18 years old.
The age you have entered is 18. If this is correct, press 1. If you are now entered in the drawing, the winner will be notified within 45 days.
For official rules, go to www.crackerbarrel.com forward slash sleepstake.cfm.
Thank you for taking time to complete this survey. We appreciate your input, and hope you'll visit Cracker Barrel again very soon. Goodbye.
Alright, well, I'm sure that I will. However, what we're going to do now is try to call this number back, and see what happens if we tweak this access code a little bit, because I know pretty much how this thing works now.
At least I have some guesses, so we're going to give it a shot. It may fail, but hey, that's how freaking goes sometimes.
So let me just do a, let's see, I'm going to do a quick readout here.
Or not. Okay, I guess we're just going to do a 1-8-8-8-678-5-8-4-5.
For English, press 1. Welcome to Cracker Barrel's guest satisfaction survey. We appreciate your participation and value your opinion.
In order to complete this survey, you must be using a touch-tone phone and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about aesthetic information, please call 800-333-9566.
Otherwise, please stay on the line to complete our survey. Please locate the access code at the top of the wall.
Oh, what happened? I shudder up.
In valid entry, please listen to the question again. Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Okay, so the first three numbers are a store number. So I put that in, and then the rest of the numbers are some sort of sequential number.
So what I'm going to do is put in 6, 7, and then the last number, I'm going to increment by 1.
At the end of the survey, you will be given a chance to enter a monthly drawing for a chance to win a Cracker Barrel rocker.
Please answer the following questions about your visit to the Cracker Barrel where you received this invitation.
All right, so that obviously worked. Simply incrementing the end of the number by 1 was allowing me to put it in so I could script this to automatically send in my phone numbers and stuff.
I'm sure asterisk could be programmed with a script to simply hit this over and over again, which could be very, very interesting.
But I'm going to try one more time just with totally random numbers and see if there's any difference with that.
So for English, press 1. Welcome to Cracker Barrel's guest satisfaction survey.
We appreciate your participation. In order to complete this survey, you must be using a touchtone phone and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about a specific concern, please call 800-333-9566.
Otherwise, please stay on the line to complete our survey. Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Now, firstly numbers are store numbers, so after that I'm just going to put in some random nine more characters.
At the end of the survey, you will be given a chance to enter a monthly drawing for a chance to win a Cracker Barrel.
Alright, so there's no kind of error checking. It's not cross referencing any kind of database.
I don't know. I guess they're storing these and maybe returning them to the store's individual stores based on the store number you put in there.
Or maybe this is just something corporate is trying to do to track.
But it is kind of interesting. I'm going to try one more thing and I wish the message that they had on here at the beginning wasn't so long, so I could pound through this a little bit faster.
But I'm going to try just putting in a different random store number.
Obviously, if I get a store number in English, it's number one.
Welcome to Cracker Barrel's guest satisfaction survey. We appreciate your participation and value your opinion.
In order to complete this survey, you must be using a touch tone phone and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about a specific concern, please call 800-333-9566.
Otherwise, please stay on the line to complete our survey. Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Alright, so I'm just going to put in a random store number as well and then put in 9 more random digits.
Please listen to the question again. Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Alright, I'm going to put in another valid store number that I have here and I'm going to put in 1 all.
In valid entry, please listen to the question again. Please locate the answer.
Alright, so that's very interesting that if I put in a certain store number and put in a bunch of random strings after it seemed to work.
But when I put in something that should have been that is actually a valid store number, it could be that there's a time frame.
It does say that you have to take this within seven days and let's see, am I within seven days on this one? Yes, I am.
Maybe it's a timing, but I put in random numbers so maybe simply the fact that I'm doing something close to a sequence, it knows what range to be expecting.
So maybe it has got somewhat has been programmed enough to expect only certain numbers within a certain range, maybe that's reported to the main database.
But regardless of that fact still somewhat interesting still probably could be scripted pretty dog on easily to automatically go in and vote probably using someone else's vote.
I don't know if it'll lock me out. Actually, let's try that. That's a good question. I'm going to call in one more time and reuse the original number.
And yeah, press one for English, yada, yada, wish I could fast forward this part.
For English, if I press welcome the Founder Barrel to the New Satisfaction Survey, we appreciate your participation and value your opinion.
In order to complete the survey, you must be using a touchtone file and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about a specific concern, please call 800-333-9566.
Yeah, we got that memo.
Otherwise, please stay on the line to complete our survey. Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Okay, we're going to go back to the original number.
I have already completed this survey. It was the very first one that I called in and let's see what happens if I put in the same number again.
At the end of the survey, you will be given a chance to enter a monthly drawing for a chance to win a Cracker Barrel Rocker.
It absolutely did not stop me from putting in the same access code over again.
That's very, very interesting. So I'm not sure what to make of that. It looks like this little to no security involved in that whatsoever.
So maybe that's a project for another time.
We've talked on a couple episodes of binary revolution radio about these new forms of viral marketing that are starting to be used in television shows.
For example, Lost is one I know I specifically talked about where they mix in fake commercials or product placement within the show itself that has phone numbers or website addresses or things like that in them to get people to then go to different websites or call these numbers to see what's going on.
And they mix the plot of the show in there along with advertising.
So one of these shows lost has a phone number that you can call and when you do you get a message and voicemail boxes for some of the characters from the show lost.
And some people have recorded these numbers and I thought we'd mix a few of them in here.
So I apologize for some of the quality on some of these. I did not record them myself, but we'll see if we can clean them up as best we can.
And start with the first one, which is one eight seven seven eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight
nine seven eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight seven eight eight eight eight eight eight eight seven eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight seven eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight day on the florxtime and our last
Sudden
Listen to
The company did a cheap move to the south in Thailand.
They are the people having their cars.
They should be doing more of their force than the people.
They don't wear a turbo-tower or a turbo car.
They are for my husband and you here for me.
It's for the news.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
It's for the cash in the wrong foot.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
Thank you for your interest in the Hampton Foundation.
I would like to have this kind of pirate station or not station,
but a pirate message broken through that kind of supposedly
added to the plot just a bit.
And this is that message.
Welcome to the Hampton Foundation reaching out to a better tomorrow.
If you know your party's extension, you may enter it now.
For general information, press one.
For Alvar Hanzo, press two.
For Thomas Fienner Middlewerk, press three.
For Hugh McIntyre, press four.
For Peter Thompson, press five.
Thank you.
And Namaste.
Thank you.
Thank you.
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Please refer to your project manual
for jump-line access instructions.
Thank you and Namaste.
Hi, this is Sean McIntyre,
Vice President and Communications Director of the producing
of Hansop Foundation.
I will return to the office in two weeks.
If you're calling about the inquiry into our Korean
Offshore project, please hang up and contact our
legal department.
To hear more information about Jupe,
the world's oldest orangutan,
Please refer to our website, thehansofoundation.org.
Thank you, and Namaste.
Message 1
Thomas, just got the changes, good work.
We should go ahead and rename the accelerated remote viewing training facility as well.
We've got to try and put a public face on all this.
Call me.
Message 2
It's Darla.
I need to talk to you about Sri Lanka.
This just isn't right.
End of messages.
Goodbye.
Hello, you've reached the office of Peter Thompson, Vice President General Counsel and Secretary
of thehanso Foundation.
Mr. Thompson is not available to take your call.
If this is regarding the inquiry into the Korean offshore project, you must regretfully decline to call it.
Give me a phone, Irene.
Give me a hand.
This is Peter Thompson.
It's Chief Legal Officer.
I wish to remind those who make threats against me and my colleagues, or any representatives
that with more cooperation or pay heavy industry, that these acts are criminal.
Make no mistake.
We will locate and prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.
That's a promise.
Namaste.
Now, this next little clip is something that was actually on a website, Yahoo Australia website,
that is supposedly a recording of some of thehanso people.
I think I'm going to play with just this last one and then move on because this is not a show about
lost, the telephonic craptacular, but since these are some interesting uses of telephones and tying them into
TV and other forms of media, I thought the interesting.
This is just a short clip of us.
I guess what we are to assume is a recorded conversation of some kind.
I admit the fires set us back, but all we've really lost is time.
And Viji Bonovsky.
If his family goes public.
They won't.
I've seen to that.
We're already funneling millions into your mental programs without knowing of this equation.
You say it like it's an insult.
Mental programs.
The mental health appeal is the centerpiece of all our future plans.
Time we're not disputing the theory.
We'll take a step back.
How can we ever know what certainty we're working with the real value of any equation?
Because, Peter, I am certain.
What doeshanso have to say?
Andhanso is totally on board.
Yeah, it would be nice if he made an appearance.
You want to see Alva Hanso, Peter?
Why don't you watch the orientation film?
He talks all about the Valenceetti equation.
I'll send you the DVD.
It's not for me.
Tom, it's for our partners.
Then let me be clear.
This is the equation.
Now, if you believe the Web Geeks, legend says Valenceetti never even kept a copy of it for himself.
And that's true.
He offered it to the UN.
They didn't want it.
But Alva Hanso did.
Hanso wanted to carry out research.
Good work based on the Valenceetti equation.
And in exchange, Valenceetti donated it to us.
No, he donated it to Alva Hanso.
And we have no way of knowing if he gives the real equation.
Do I work for you, Peter, or do you work for me?
Who cured your cancer?
Tell me.
I want to hear you say it.
You did.
Tom.
Then this conversation is over.
So, the interesting thing about all of this is that the messages that you dial in on the phone are for the most part little additions to the plot that are kind of fun and not so bad because they're not playing commercials exactly in the messages themselves.
They probably realized that as soon as people started hearing any kind of commercials or advertising, they would pretty much hang up the phone.
However, while that being said, there was a little mention of Verizon there.
Some of the freaks probably heard that mention on simulation of Verizon voice mailbox.
But other than that, most of the stuff was kind of plot related and pointing you to websites.
And when you go to the websites that they mentioned and some of these messages and other hidden URLs in the show and things like that, that's when they start throwing advertising at you.
And it's an interesting phenomenon, viral marketing, as they call it, where they're implanting this in there.
One of the defenses that the broadcasting companies use to defend this is that so many people are using DVRs, TVOs, et cetera, that they're fast forwarding and skipping all their commercials.
And this sort of product placement and viral marketing is a way for them to still sell to advertisers and get the viral marketing, get it out there, and still do some product placement and make some money via advertising.
And lieu of the supposed alleged lost commercials.
So it's kind of interesting what they're doing, but it is somewhat adding to the plot of the shows.
There's obviously going to be a line at some point that gets crossed where you're just blatantly advertising people to death, just like those long four or five minute commercial breaks that people get tired of and have to put up with all these years.
And now we find a way around it, at least this type of marketing, this type of advertising, at least it's optional.
You don't have to go follow it up.
So they're going to cross the line when they start forcing people to.
But for right now, it's kind of interesting and it actually gives you some benefit and additional entertainment value for the shows that you're watching.
Now lost is not the only show to start using this sort of viral marketing and voicemails and messages.
There's some other shows that have been doing similar things.
One of them is some show called Prison Break.
I don't know anything about the show.
I don't watch it, but we're going to dial the number.
One of these characters has a phone number tattooed on his arm and someone noticed that it is not a 555 number.
Most phone numbers used in a TV show are 555 exchanges which are usually reserved and indicate a fake number.
But this one was not.
Hello.
Only one person has this number, so Michael, I hope you're okay.
If you're getting these messages, it might mean that I'm not.
When this is over, you still have one thing left to do.
I'm trusting you, Michael, to do it.
Be safe.
Unfortunately, the system cannot process your entries.
Please try again later. Goodbye.
And that's pretty much all there is to that.
The number, if anybody does want to call it, is 312-909-3529.
And if you actually looked that up, that is from Chicago.
Chicago Illinois, and Chicago Illinois, and I think a cell phone.
I'm not positive about that, but if you look up the number in exchange, the MPN exchange, it looks like it's a cell phone from Chicago.
Another show that's very popular among some of you out there is a little show called 24, which has been very successful.
And they've also done a little gimmick, if you will, by putting in a phone number in the show.
And we're going to give that a call.
Phone number is 310-597-3781.
Please hold while the next tell subscriber you are trying to reach is located.
Oh, that's it.
Next tell phone number 24.
It's full. It cannot accept any more messages.
Please try again later. Goodbye.
Well, I guess they got owned, but that sounds like that was a real phone.
And if I remember hearing correctly, the number that they flashed on there was really, really quick.
And the only way to have seen it would have been a T-voet.
And I guess it was the real cell phone number of somebody on the cast or on the crew or something like that.
So they decided to go ahead and play along with it and actually put some recordings, I guess at the beginning.
Unfortunately, they don't seem to be there now and allow people to leave messages.
So I guess since the show is over for the summer, they probably have a full mailbox and aren't checking that anymore.
But it was still an interesting number nonetheless.
So the message in all of this is as you're watching your shows, look for numbers that they're intentionally putting in there,
555 exchange is an indication that it's probably a fake number, not necessarily, but almost always.
You'll hear 555 for the exchange no matter what the area code and stuff is.
But T-vo, freeze frame, and maybe you'll find some interesting stuff out there that you can share with us and put on a future episode of the show.
All right. So we recorded something a little while back about Cracker Veril and their receipts and how they have these little surveys and contests.
That are into you into a prize drawing when you dial a number and put in this access code.
Well, I've gone to Cracker Veril a few more times since then and I've gotten a few other receipts that I've been trying to watch because I really like breaking stuff like this down.
I don't know why because I'm a hacker.
And I did notice there is a pattern to which full number they give you.
I mentioned before that there were at least two numbers.
Well, one number that they give you is that drawing that you heard earlier, which is probably some random crap drawing and you have to enter in your phone number for them to contact you.
I've gotten a few other receipts here that say most of them are get a free dessert by calling in and completing the survey.
And it has a different number. It's an 877 instead of an 8888. Still an 8 doesn't matter.
But we're going to call this and see if this one goes any differently and it's supposed to give me a validation code.
It's supposed to read it back to me when I complete this.
So we're going to see what happens if I try this one multiple times and try to randomly put in some numbers on this because I can actually get a free dessert out of this deal.
So we're going to dial 1-877-678-9873.
Curious if it's the same message also.
For English press 1.
Why yes it is.
Welcome to Cracker Barrel's guest satisfaction survey.
We appreciate your participation and value your opinion.
In order to complete this survey you must be using a touchtone phone and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about a specific concern please call 800-333-9566.
Otherwise please stay on the line to complete our survey.
Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Okay again the store number and it's seemingly not random but sequential number.
And this one is a valid number.
At the end of the survey you will be given a validation code to write on your receipt.
Please answer the following questions about your visit to the Cracker Barrel where you received this invitation.
Press the key on your phone that presents your response to repeat any questions.
Press the star key now using a five point scale where five is satisfied.
Three is neither satisfied nor does satisfied to is dissatisfied and one is highly dissatisfied.
Please rate your overall set now in a five point scale where five is highly satisfied
or is satisfied. Three is neither satisfied nor does satisfied to is dissatisfied and one is highly dissatisfied.
Please eat the taste of your food.
Thank you for your feedback.
Now you'll need a pen to write your validation code on your receipt.
Here is your validation code.
One, four, two, five, six.
That code again is one, four, two, five, six.
You can now take your validated receipt to any Cracker Barrel store and redeem the offer.
Thank you for taking time to complete this.
Yeah you're welcome.
Any Cracker Barrel store which is interesting that means this is not something that's on a store by store basis.
It has to be looking this up somehow or there's some kind of algorithm program programmed into their system.
Either way, well actually if there's an algorithm program into their system to match this up then it could be duplicated externally of the store or restaurant or whatever you want to call this place.
Now I'm going to call back with that same code and see if it lets me use the same one again and see if it gives me the same validation code.
For English press one but I welcome to Cracker Barrel's guest satisfaction survey.
We appreciate your participation and value your opinion.
In order to complete this survey you must be using a touch tone phone and have your survey invitation handy.
If you'd like to speak to someone about a specific concern call 800-333-9566.
Otherwise please stay on the line to complete our survey.
Please locate the access code at the top of your invitation and enter it now.
Access code.
I'm going to use the same one again just to see if it'll let us and then we'll hang up right away.
Where's my access code?
At the end of the survey.
So let's begin with the same validation code to write.
Alright so there's no point in doing that all the way through.
Actually we should have seen if it gave me the same validation code but I was too anxious and didn't feel like hearing that recording all over again.
But what I do have is a handful of receipts here and I'm going to call them all and get the access code for each one of them.
I'm not going to bore you with the details because it talks too slow and it reads the same damn numbers to me like I can't memorize it.
And then it warns me that I need to touch down phone after it's already prompt me once to enter one for English.
So I'm not going to put you guys through that again.
I'm going to record.
I'm going to do all this separately and record my findings probably in the bin reform somewhere.
So keep an eye out for it.
So I've had some clips that I've been wanting to work into the regular episodes of binary revolution radio but I haven't quite been able to work them in.
So I thought I'd go ahead and sandwich them all together here in a row and put them on this special episode.
These are clips from a TV show on Comedy Central from one of my favorite comedians David Spade I think is hilarious.
And he does a segment each week, each episode called There I Set It where he talks about a lot of funny topics and some of them are very internet specific.
So I'm going to play a series of those right now.
They're floating around out on the Enter web if you want to go look for the complete series.
But I've got four or five here that address specific topics that I thought that our listeners might find very close to home.
The first one here is just some funny comments about message boards and how they work.
And since our forums have some of these same type problems and issues, I thought that was a good one to start with.
And he continues talking about my space, the internet and porn and all kinds of things that we talk about on the show.
So I think we'll just let Mr. Spade speak for himself.
Augs are saying with our web guy, Surge. Surge, what's going on?
David, the internet's really buzzing about this whole Denise pussycat doll thing.
Alright, great. What are they saying?
Bobby Miko says her daughter's middle name should be on the pola, like Lola on the pola.
You get that?
Yes, I get it. Go ahead.
Rift G82 says I still live at home so I don't need to see another bad mom stumbling around in her underwear.
Big dog responds, your mom walks around in her underwear.
Maybe I can come over and give her a milk moustache.
That's nice. What else is going on?
And there's a lot of about you at the beach with your shirt off. Do you want to hear it?
No, I don't think so.
Hardy Pan says he looks like the Michelin man pregnant with twin.
I said no sir. I said no. Surge the web guy, everybody.
That's one of our interns.
Singer Ashley Simpson is refusing to acknowledge reports that she had cosmetic surgery to remove a distinctive bump she had on her nose.
Simpson did admit however that people recently stopped asking her for Owen Wilson's autograph.
How's it going?
Let's face it, the internet is the final word on everything, especially rumors.
So to see what the public thinks about Ashley's rumor nose job, we go to our very own web guy, Surge.
Surge, what are the message for it saying, pal?
Hey David, the air is really buzzing about this one.
Next Fango says, now her nose can fit up my ass.
Blinky 13 says, LOL, her new nose is cute.
So cute, I'd like to donate a milk moustache for my charitable balls.
And Kit Kat says, OMG.
Speaking of boners, what's up with Jessica?
I want to dry home her mic stand.
So Surge, is this what message for the really like?
Pretty much, Mitch 46 says, who gives this shit about this lip syncing, annoying lying bitch?
Hollywood 92 responds, number 46, you're a fucking idiot.
And Blinky 13 says, how does Hollywood 92 type with all that cockiness face?
Interesting, okay, I think I get the picture, Surge, is there anything else going on online?
Do you want to hear what they're saying about you?
Ah, not really, but I'm sure it's all part of it.
Blinky 13 says, if Tinkerbell and Charles Nelson Riley had a kid,
I said I don't want to hear it.
Thank you, good work, Surge, keep it up.
Here it goes.
Let's go.
I'm doing some thinking, the FCC is on a rampage lightly about indecency.
Last week CBS lost their appeal of the Janet Jackson Nipple incident.
Is it just me or the commercials actually worse than the shows?
Remember that Carl's Jr. ad where she's burger got the third base of Paris?
Now every time I get in my burger, I shine a black light on it,
just to make sure there's no, you know, funny stuff.
You watch CSI.
I said I'm no pro, but now everywhere I turn there's a boob.
That's why I turn so much at him.
Have you seen the news stand lately?
It should be hidden under a giant mattress.
There's too much skin out there because some of the fun of sex is the mystery.
It is.
I'm not talking, is that a guy or girl mystery?
Trust me.
And it bothers me that teenage guys, they don't have to work for it.
They don't have to bust their ass, not to see naked women.
The computer, are you joking?
If you had given a 12 year old Davey Spade a magical machine that could play all the porn in the world,
I would not be here right now.
My mom would still be knocking on my door.
Honey, Davey, I'm worried you haven't eaten in 15 years.
Listen, I didn't want to be a fireman when I was growing up.
I wanted to be a red bathing suit.
Check out these mega nips.
What happened?
Did both boobs tell a lie?
But despite an unprecedented effort, these party hats stayed inside the suit.
Today, nipple slips won't even get you in the game.
The ante has been up to full boob slips.
Lindsay Lohan recently let the whole tat out of the bag.
And it didn't even make the paper.
Paris Hilton can nurse a monkey at a Lakers game and wouldn't shock anyone.
Maybe the monkey.
Maybe.
Parents are telling their teenage daughters, hey, you can't go out just like that.
You look like a whore and the girl's like, really?
Thanks, mom.
And have you seen the Abercrombian Fitch catalog lately?
Seriously, is it me or is this uncomfortably close to this dude's pubes?
Guys, here's a hint.
Don't wear your pants to low.
You've got to shave your mount pubie level for a job interview.
What's that weird muscle going down there, too?
I don't like any of it.
And how about this ad for Dolce and Gavana?
Come on, I didn't have that much grass in my Easter egg basket.
And it used to be the lady said a little modesty about waxing their area.
Back in the day, the only Brazilian people spoke openly about was pay late.
All right?
Now you hear girls jabbering on about their bikini wax while you're in line with Starbucks.
Oh, you went with a heart?
I got a cute little lightning bolt.
And my friend got rid of all the carpet and went hardwood.
All right, lady.
Come on, let's get back to Shag or at least a little burr burr.
And just a tip, Gals.
Beware of any guy that likes his girls looking like a five-year-old.
Seriously.
So let's dial it down a crutch.
I'm constantly horny.
I can't walk around half-mast all day.
I need some blood left in my brain to come up with these stupid jokes.
There I said it.
Welcome back.
Show yourself.
Glad I haven't thinking what's to deal with my space.
Website, everyone's so cuckoo about.
I have to admit I'm a newbie.
Up until now, I've only used the web for two things to send email or download porn.
Back my computer only has two keys.
If you're not hit to my space, it's this website where young people can post pictures and info about themselves for anyone to see.
When I first heard about it, I thought to myself, finally, yellow pages for sex offenders.
Why didn't I think of that?
Okay, 12-year-old and Branson, Missouri.
You have 235 friends.
I get it.
Old dudes.
One of them will ask, do you stop bragging?
Your mind's face page can tell people what you're into.
List your favorite bands and movie quotes.
It's the internet version of decorating your high school locker.
We all know how that goes.
Just when you finish your Depeche Mode collage and are highlighting it with Puppy Paint,
some jaw comes along and rips it down and shoves you inside.
So I've heard.
My space is a great way to keep in touch with friends so you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with.
Why bother calling to say, how are you when you can just surf their page and post an MPG of a guy farting and it's got.
Of course, the most popular draw to my space are the naughty girls with their slutty self point.
I mean, how can young people stay faithful anymore?
I imagine it's much easier to fight with your girlfriend knowing that 500 chicks are ready to give you naked pictures of themselves.
When I was a kid, the only boob I saw was if Madam was zeled in an article on breast exams.
We're looking at the bra as in the Spiegel catalog, right?
Kids you got it made.
It's a lot easier rub it out to a hot naked 22 year old and spanking at the National Geographic tribe woman with her muddy clacker pits.
So I decided to check out my space.
Turns out I have like 15 fake my space profile.
Look, I don't care if someone's stalking me, but I can't have a guy telling the world I roll their blade.
Or that I'm a Scorpio.
I'm nothing like a Scorpio.
Or what about David Spade 13?
This is a real quote from his page.
Looking to meet a black Chinese tranny.
What?
You know, black Chinese trannies are the largest my space group.
Shucky.
The one thing all my space does agree on is the most popular friend in the my space world is Miss Tila Tequila.
She's here tonight.
You're the one who's really good.
You're the one who's really good.
You're the one who's really good.
You're the one who's really good.
I don't know how to do it.
I understand.
Oh, I understand.
So what is my space?
My space is the biggest honor we need in the world right now.
But it's like not high school.
A lot of fun and I'm the most popular girl in high school.
And now it's a cheerleader.
Oh yeah, the heart of your own team, that's what all you do.
Oh, well, I guess so.
So, look at some of your friends we have here.
This is a...
Laying leg or something?
I like this part. I'm Rick James, a Chin-Chang-Tong-Yu-Tong.
That's what I'm talking about.
He went on a date with a number one.
Oh!
Hey, like, how do you know how your heart is all wrong?
Oh my god. It's okay, storage room, we got it.
Oh my god.
Are you friends with this other guy?
This other guy is the founder, right?
Yes, that is Tong, the James, and my space, and everyone's space by default.
So, when you join him, you automatically...
Oh, okay, so you get one.
So, you can really get one.
You can really get one.
Oh, good.
Now, this is cool.
That was cool, yeah.
I like how he's spaking.
Like, he didn't know they were taking a picture.
What?
And so, you can do stuff on his leg.
You have a band.
You can put on your band.
Yes.
And I will be making a great shooting outfit.
I'm going to my space page with...
Wait, wait, wait.
Why are you doing it again?
Oh my god.
And what about...
What's the band's name?
You know what I'm saying?
You have to do it.
Oh, you have to do it.
Okay.
Now, you can say you're the queen of hustling.
I like it.
You're hustling with a band with a mindset.
All right, I'll have to log on.
How many friends do you have at this point?
973,000.
Oh my god.
I'm going to need a million.
That's a story.
Come on.
He'll take care of everyone.
We'll be right.
Come on.
And the last David Spade clip that we have is the one
that I thought is most appropriate to the show.
Something that's very near and dear to our hearts.
And I think you will all agree with his evaluation.
All right.
Good.
Hey, I've been doing some thinking.
You know, when it comes to technology,
why can't it be like it is in the movies and TV?
I want a computer as fast as one in movies.
What are they running on?
OS Math?
What is it?
The Born Supremacy Matt Damon hacks into a Swiss bank account
with a power book in about three seconds flat.
Meanwhile, I click on a thumbnail of a naked girl
giving me a blumpkin at cursedbloodge.com.
And I get that spinny rainbow.
This thing is practically my screen saver.
I love how fast all these hackers and movies are able
to break into top-seeker computer files.
The computer guy is in the van.
He's always, the files are encrypted.
It's going to take some time.
The hero goes, we don't have time.
He goes, oh, you don't?
Okay, it's done.
Wait, that was a highly classified Pentagon file.
It takes me longer to get rid of that bauzy little paper clip
when I open words.
You know that f***ing thing always winking at me.
A couple of nerds out there.
Great, the computer guy's always know exactly what to click.
Hmm, what button should I press?
Hmm, that one?
Right.
Or I could dance my way in.
Remember this fruit loop from Oceans 12?
He outwits the museum's laser security system
by dancing along with his iPod.
The most unreal part, he's doing back flips
and those crappy headphones never fall out.
I can't even keep in my ears.
I'm lying in a hammock watching a sunset.
Nothing about computers is realistic.
Look at Tom Hanks' inbox and you've got mail.
Compare that with my inbox.
Yeah.
What?
He's the only guy in America not getting penis and largements fam?
You order once.
You get annihilated.
And how about cell phones?
I want to know who provides Jack Bauer cell service
on 24 because clearly he's not on my third world f***ing network phone.
I don't want to name names, but it rhymes with Gerbyson.
Well, let's get figured it out.
Defections of the future are always way off.
According to Terminator movies,
machines should have taken over the world right now,
but somehow we're still in charge.
And according to back the future,
we should have time-traveling cars already.
And Blade Runner, that was set in LA in the year 2019.
That soon, Los Angeles, you better hurry up.
And Harrison Ford, better slow down.
And don't even get me started on 2001 in Space Odyssey.
2001, come on, it's 2006.
And I'm still waiting two hours to get on a Southwest flight
with a bunch of drunk ass f***ing s***s.
Come on.
Let's get your s*** together, technology.
And that is going to be it for this non-episode
of binary revolution radio.
The episode that does not exist.
That you did not just hear or listen to.
It's all a figment of your imagination.
But before we leave, I did say the very special call
for the very end of the show.
I hope you'll be glad that you stick around to hear this.
And that is going to do it.
So you will understand me in a few seconds
when I tell everyone that we will see you next season.
Same jack time.
Same jack channel.
Hello and welcome to the information line
of the San Francisco Jax, where you too may see the thing itself.
The San Francisco Jax is a group of men
who like to jack off with like-minded men.
Now in our 23rd year, neither a business nor a religion,
we are a public service institution.
There will be no further meetings of the Jax
in the month of May, but we will participate
in the Jax sponsorship of the Master Basathon
at the Center for Sex and Culture on Saturday, 27th of May,
starting at 5 p.m.
Jax may receive special passes.
We will be leading from now on, starting June 12th
at the Center for Sex and Culture,
which is located at 398-11th Street at the corner of Harrison.
Meetings as always will be the second and fourth Mondays.
We will begin opening the doors at 730,
close the doors at 830.
Please don't be late.
This year's traditional post-grade Pug Pull
and Pecropage will take place on Monday,
the 26th of June, not on Sunday.
Don't be confused.
Jax will assemble.
Commandatory close check.
J.O. play only.
No cocks licking, no buckle play.
No marches, behavior.
No poppers, for example.
Smile and have fun.
We ask contribution of $7 to cover expenses.
You may bring beverages in cans.
Fiddish wearers, welcome, group,
pecker play and creative.
Scenes are highly encouraged.
For more details, log on to our website
www.sfjacks.com.
Come on down, join the Jax,
an easing of poetry and motion.
Where you too may see the thing itself.
Thank you for calling.
Goodbye.
And our closing music real quick
is the title track from Nerdcore Rising,
the new CD from MC Frontalant.
And this is sort of a little bit of a teaser
for what might be in store for you.
Those of you who will be attending our live show
at Hope No. 6 in New York City.
Music
Oh man, I tried to dodge fans
but keep swarming.
MC Frontalant's hard too.
So let's have a housewoman.
I love you so damn much.
I'll sell you CDs.
I'm freebie to get loved back
like Allie sheety in board games.
I got more things and turns phrase
in my communist handbook.
Then in my dam what I do with my ledger.
I'll never get paid.
Now that distributor promised me checks
but didn't say how he was going to locate the front.
It's the anonymity.
I'm a little bitty bit late to shun.
Hey, the run can't be tardy to my rally.
Art must be free.
It's the decree.
The finale is my lecture room
by evils of the RWA.
How they go to suit you every single time
you hit and play.
The play must revolve.
What's that?
You say kids are pirating the front?
A lot?
Oh no, I've got to betray.
It's true.
Find a lastness to choose.
I need you.
I've got a charity case to my fan base.
The gears and tears that I show.
Somebody buy me a ride home.
Now I got something I could barter for services.
You don't let the major labels get wired.
There's some girder lists.
Free falling towards riches.
Gonna sell so many CDs that I can afford.
Britches and a shirt.
And a hat to go with it.
I'm going to buy a shirt.
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Thank you for watching.
