Episode: 3984
Title: HPR3984: Whoppers. How Archer72 and I made moonshine. Volume one.
Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr3984/hpr3984.mp3
Transcribed: 2025-10-25 18:17:54

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This is Hacker Public Radio Episode 3984 for Thursday the 9th of November 2023.
Today's show is entitled Woppers, How Archer 72, and I Made Moonshine, Volume 1.
It is hosted by some guy on the internet, and is about 29 minutes long.
It carries an explicit flag.
The summary is, some guy on the internet assists Archer 72 with his crazy plan to make
Moonshine.
Ladies and Gentlemanes, welcome to another episode of Hacker Public Radio, I am your host,
some guy on the internet.
Today I'm going to be telling you a whopper.
And this is just for fun.
These stories are 100% fictitious, just for entertainment purposes.
None of it actually happened, with that said you can totally believe every single word
of it.
Today we're going to be talking about the time that Archer 72 and I created Moonshine.
Alright, to start off, the first thing I guess I should put on the table is this whole
idea was 100% Archer 72's idea, right?
He came up with it, and me being his friend, I decided to help him out.
That's all, you know, that's my role, I'll back you up, but this was just all his doing.
And that's not, and I'm not just saying that just because people from the food, drug,
and all those other alphabet agencies that we have in the United States that like to
crack down on this sort of thing, maybe listening, any who.
This was his idea, he came up with it, and I thought, you know what, I'm going to help
you out with that, because that sounds like a great idea.
And I'll tell you how he came up with it.
One day we were riding in his car, and he was driving, and he got a little bit upset
with me over something that happened in the past.
I'll tell you about that later, but he was driving, I'm apparently no longer allowed
to drive his car anymore.
I suppose I should tell you about it now, because otherwise you're going to keep wandering
about it, but he got all bent out of shape.
One day it was snowing, and we were, I was driving, and he was telling me that the turn was
coming up now.
Now, there was a nice blanket of snow on the ground, kind of making it hard to see where
the, you know, the road actually turned, and this curb was kind of high.
But because of the snow, I couldn't really see it, and the plow hadn't came by yet, so
it was just a solid, smooth surface of snow, and we were creating the trail for anybody
else that was going to be driving through this snow.
So we were kind of working off of memory, and he was saying the turn's coming up now,
you're going to have to prepare to make the turn, and you should probably slow down.
And I was saying, no, no, the turn's further up, we have nothing to worry about.
And shortly after saying that, I ran over the curb, and it kind of messed up the axle
on a few other things, and he got all bent out of shape over that.
I guess kind of because it was his car, and kind of because he told me it was coming
up and all of that, but this happened like a million years ago, or maybe it was last
year or something, either way, who's keeping count, right?
You got to let it go, it's in the past, but either way, he's driving, and it's pretty
hot now, right?
You know, the whole snow thing happened a little while ago, a million years ago, in my
opinion, but he's driving, and it's hot, and he's like, man, we ought to make a stop,
go get a bit of drink, right?
And I look at him, and I'm thinking to myself, like, oh my God, that is a brilliant idea.
So then he gives me that look, he normally gives me, right?
Now I'm going to explain his look, this look that he gives you is a look of confusion,
but it has, it can go either way, right?
Like a heads or a tails kind of look.
Besides the a, I'm confused because you haven't given enough detail for me to understand
what you're talking about, or b, you have gone plum, I'm talking about two rocks and spit
pebbles crazy, all right?
So those are the two options when he gives you this look, and I don't, I don't like it
when he gives me this look, because I can never tell which one he's directing at me,
but I normally just figured he's, I'm not giving him enough detail, so I just explained
to him, right?
I say to him, that's a fantastic idea you have.
We should definitely make our own moonshine, and that's when his looks sort of deepens.
So I kind of know which one he was giving me now, and after I said that, which is clearly
he's, I'm still not providing him enough detail, right?
So let me make clear, hey, we're hot.
We need something to drink.
You're obviously handing out, we need to make our own moonshine, doesn't it just make sense?
So I figured him being my friend, I'm going to help him out with this, right?
So I started telling them all the different things that we could do, you know, where we
could go, and he just did silent, and when I finished putting the idea on the table,
I could tell this was a lot for him, right?
You know, I'm overwhelming him that I have so much knowledge on the subject, even though
this is his idea, I'm sure he has all of his own things he wants to do, and then he
just says, no, no.
I know when he's kidding, so I figured he's joking around.
He's totally, you know, just surprised by all the knowledge I have.
So clearly he just, you know, he doesn't want to let on that he's surprised just yet.
So I wait a little while.
We get to the store, we go and get some, some iced tea and some other things, and as we're
making our way back to the car, and I tell him, you know, I got, I got some friends right
around the way.
We're going to have to do a lot of driving to go pick up all the ingredients for this.
If we act now, we can get our first batch going before the summer's out, and there goes
that look again.
You know, his memory ain't too good, so I figured he might have already forgotten.
So I reminded him, I told him, you know, about your idea, the mood child, we could totally
get our first batch out before, before the summer's out.
So then he goes into his whole thing where he goes, you know, he's going to humor me,
right?
Like, like, it's my idea or something.
He goes, where are we going to put it?
Like, where are we going to put a still, and, and where are we going to get the materials,
that kind of stuff?
And I thought, duh, at your place, silly.
He had the very disapproving face, let's call it.
So that's when I realized, oh, see, he's already thought ahead.
He's waiting on me to let him tell me where he already planned on putting it.
So that's when I said, I don't know, how about you tell me?
So you know, I brought it out to him, since you're the guy with the plan, how about
filling me in on it.
And that's when he just goes, we're not doing it.
So now I'm confused.
I only wait, what do you mean, we're not doing it?
This is your idea.
I'm letting you know I'm willing to help you out.
Let's do this.
So we knocked down a bit more of that tea and we hit the road, and that's what I thought.
Look, I get it.
You don't want to make all the runs in your car, right?
Especially with that whole axle thing that happened in your car last winter.
Your car is kind of riding a little bit rough.
I understand if you don't want to go in your vehicle, but no problem.
I've got friends, right?
In high places.
So that's when I told him we got a few options.
We can go get the new vehicle first, which I can call up Clot 2.
And he may let us use his vehicle or I can call up Zen Floder.
He's got a fancy gadget that I'm interested in using in the production of his moonshine.
I think it's really going to help us out, especially with gathering some of the more exotic
materials that I want to use.
Now I can tell after letting him know the options, you know, just a few of them because I wasn't
going to explain everything.
I can tell he's a little bit overwhelmed, I give him some time to kind of process this
and then he goes, he picks an option, but he, you know, he doesn't end in that archer
way.
The archer way is a little bit different where he says to me, Clot 2 is not going to let
you use his car.
Now you guys, we've been friends for a very long time.
So I understand this isn't going to make a lot of sense to you guys, but to me, I know
how to read between the lines when he tells me things like this.
This clearly means that's the option he wants to go with first.
He wants us to go and use Clot 2's car.
So I thought, hey, let me go ahead and get on that now.
So before we reach the house, I'll have Clot 2 permission to come down there and get
his car.
So I go ahead and pull out the phone and I call him up, voicemail.
And I thought, okay, well, he's a little bit busy right now.
We'll call him up here in a bit, but I'll let him know, hey, I got you, pal, we'll go
and get the other car first, then we'll make our way over to probably Zenz, because I
really want to play with this gadget.
We're going to have to figure out how it works.
And you know, if any of you guys have ever been around Zenz place, you need to be careful
around there.
We're probably going to need Clot 2's car.
You know, for the old quick getaway kind of deal, you know, Zenz lives in the magical
forest and he has guardians around there and depending on rather not you meet Zenz sort
of at the border before you enter the magical forest, there could be a lot of near death
experiences with these guardians that he's got around there.
So you kind of want a vehicle that can move very quickly and in any direction, Clot 2's
car is perfect for this.
And you know, I'm not putting down Archer's car, but after that little incident that happened
in the winter, which I'm sure he's still trying to blame that on me.
His car hasn't been the best.
Now I had to remember what Zenz told me last.
I think he was in another dimension or something like that.
So we needed to contact him before we just showed up at the best at the magical forest.
You know, we kind of want to avoid those near death experiences and it would be far
easier to contact him using Clot 2's equipment.
If I remember correctly, I think he still got that gadget from a mechatroniac and that
will allow us to communicate between dimensions as well as pull down all the podcasts we're
going to need for this drive.
You can tell this thing is well thought out, even though Archer just put this plan before
me like seconds ago, right, am I great or what, right, I like I'm the best friend you
could have.
So we pull up the Archer's place, he runs in real quick, I'm out messing around with
the phone because the service is a bit shoddy around the area.
Eventually Clot 2 messages me back and I'm, you know, explaining what we need to do
and he's like, yeah, all right, you can go ahead and use it, but you guys got to fuel
it back up.
And I thought, oh man, I kind of forgot the type of fuel he uses.
You know, most of us, we just have regular ordinary cars that use unleaded gasoline or
diesel.
Clot 2 uses these exotic vehicles.
I mean, they're very exotic.
They're not even from this planet.
And he explained to me where he compresses this cosmic gas to, um, I forget which moon.
It was somewhere around Jupiter where it gets this stuff, but, um, I figured we'll, you
know, I'll just look on the, uh, the gas cap and maybe it'll tell me, or maybe he has
a manual on the glove.
One way or another, we'll figure it out when we get there.
I figured it like this.
We'll have enough fuel to fly around here on Earth, especially to go to where Zen is.
Once we make arrangements to actually enter the magical forest to go get this contraption
he's got stored in there, or unless he's returned from wherever dimension he's, he's
at now.
I'm not entirely sure.
We'll figure that part out first because it's here on the planet or we'll be dealing
with dimensions so we won't need much fuel anyways.
And then after that, then we can head out to go get the big stuff.
So I went in the house and, uh, Archers in there, he's ticked back on the couch, got
a shoes off and he's just sort of relaxing and I'm looking at him like, what are you doing?
You know, I got my arms, my palms up and I'm looking at him like, what are you doing?
He looks at me, he's got one leg over on the table and he's just sitting there looking
back at me like, what are you talking about?
So you know, again, this is Archer, he sometimes forgets, you know, and I'm aware of that.
So I have to constantly keep him in order with this.
One of these days, I think I'm going to go ahead and get him a ring binder.
One of those, uh, those disc binders I heard about him, they're really nice.
And maybe that'll, that'll help keep him a little bit more on track.
But for now, I just, you know, I'll just tell him again like, hey, we gotta go get
Clatou's car so we can go get the supplies, man.
If we're going to get our first batch out before the summers over, we really need to head
out now.
And there's that look again.
So he sits up straight on the couch, he sets his tea down on the table and he looks at
me and he goes, why on earth do you want to do this anyway?
And I am almost hurt by this question.
The way he looks at me like he's serious, he's almost sincere.
And then I, I kind of feel it like, you know, if you have a loved one that is dealing
with dementia and they just constantly aren't aware of things that just happen, this is
possibly what it feels like.
So that's when I have to, you know, I have to, I have to keep calm, not get upset with
him and explain to him, aren't you?
I'm your friend, buddy.
If you're going to make moonshine, I'm going to help you, all right?
This is your idea, you're taking a massive risk doing this, but don't worry.
I want to abandon you in this.
So let's get up.
We're going to head on out, go pick up class two's car.
I think it's probably over by area 51 or something.
I'm not entirely sure, but we need to figure that part out first, how are we going to get
to it as well?
Because I know he doesn't just keep it out in the open, but one way or another, we got
to get to it.
I mean, I think he can actually even assist us with that.
He gave me this device once before.
It's kind of like a key fob for a normal car, except a normal car doesn't operate itself
like his does.
And with this fob, he explained that you have to be in an open area to use it like a very
open area where nobody's going to notice almost like a desert, but I figure he's just
a little over cautious.
We don't need to worry about all that.
And besides the last time when he, when he first gave me this device, this was, I don't
know, years ago.
So I'm pretty sure he's done an update since then.
So it's probably working fine now.
You should see the look archers giving me at this point, right?
I mean, he is just wall-eyed staring at me.
I'm at the point where I feel like I might need to go tuck him in bed and just, you know,
make sure he gets a good night's sleep and I'll go pick up the car so I can see it coming.
He's got this lecture coming to me.
And he, he puts on this face when he's getting ready to do it.
And I already know it's going to be a long one, right?
I'm going to have to listen to this, but while I'm listening to him, let me try to figure
out how this keychain thing works.
Just key fob per club to his car because we're going to have to use it in a bed anyway.
So I'll let him get this off his shoulders here and we'll kill two birds or one stone.
So he's telling me about how this idea isn't going to work and it's illegal and all, you
know, all this other stuff and we don't know how to make moonshine.
You know, nonsense that small details that don't matter.
I mean, you have to stop and think about who you're talking to here.
I'm the guy you used to be able to come to back, remember when search engines had search
and advanced search and you had to have skills to use the search engine back then?
Yeah, I'm the guy you came to for the advanced search.
We may have had to run about 70 or 80 queries to get what you needed, but I got it, right?
That was me.
So you got that knowledge plus Archer.
I mean, think about it.
Here's the guy actually using chat jippity.
That's the 21st century search engine right there, right?
You know what I mean?
Now, I don't recommend you putting all of what comes out of it on the silver platter and
serving it up, but you know, he's got a dial then he knows, you know, what pieces to cut
off.
So there's absolutely no way this could go wrong, but he feels the need to give me the
lecture.
So I'm listening.
And I noticed this button on the key file here.
I really don't know what it's what it's saying because you know, cloud two, he speaks C plus
plus.
So I can't figure any of this crap out.
So I figured I'll push one or two of the buttons and you know, it'll, it'll either make
a beep or something to kind of let me know what it does.
Now, you know, I hit one of the green ones, I read one and you know, just waiting to see
what happens.
That's when a very, very loud noise occurred.
Now I came into slightly north west of us and it sounded terrible, it sounded very expensive
as well.
Like whatever is occurring here is going to cost a few dozen fortunes.
And now think about it.
Here I am in this state.
I am shocked by what I'm hearing and a little bit scared as well.
Do you know, Archer has to nerve.
Heat this guy has the nerve to ask me, what did I do?
Like I did something cause this.
So I look at him.
I'm just shocked.
I don't even know what to say to him.
That and I'm really hoping I didn't have anything to do with this.
But either way, I told him, let's go outside and see what's going on.
When we went out there, we were looking over the area, like in the sky.
And I could see what was once a pristine car, now plowing through lots of trees.
And what appears to be some kind of debris over the top of it, like stone or maybe concrete
or something that like that fell on top of it, I'm not entirely sure where that came
from.
But it was making its way towards us.
It's floating, but not really high enough to go over the canopy of the trees that
were in its way.
So this was a terrible sound that it was making.
And at that point, it dawned on me clearly, Clot 2 did not update his car.
So this cannot be my fault.
If he had just updated his car, this wouldn't have happened.
No worries though.
As a good friend, I'll update it for him once, once all of this murder stops happening.
Cause this forest is just done for, you know what I mean, you might as well turn this
into a parking lot.
Hopefully whatever buildings this thing may have also went through, were old and scheduled
for demolished as well.
So you know, we've got a whole lot of hoping for the best to do.
And we might want to do it far away from here once his vehicle gets here.
So until Archer go ahead and grab your shoes, make sure you got your wallet and we'll
just get some snacks on the way, but we have to leave kind of soon.
For once, he listens.
No talk back.
No nothing.
He just comes out.
Clot 2 car.
It came over the house and landed in the yard and, you know, a lot of the debris had already
fell off of it as it was making its way over.
But I mean, somebody is going to be very ticked off when they come out and have to clean
that mess up.
Either way, that's not our responsibility.
We have our own things that we have to do like making this moonshine, baby.
All right.
So now once we get in the Clot 2 car and I kind of get my feel for the controls again,
because it's not like a regular car where you kind of sit behind the wheel.
You kind of, there's like a lot of controls like it's again, this is an exotic car.
So you really need to know what you're doing.
And that's why Clot 2 trusts me to operate it.
And he, he normally tells me to just use the autopilot, you know, just key in the coordinates
and then the vehicle, go, it's got to go.
But I figured, look, that's for noobs and besides, with all the damage, his car just
caused, there's no way in the world I'm going to trust the autopilot on this thing, right?
You're going to need a professional to operate this now.
So I figured I'm going to take the wheel, key it in manual and we're going to, we're going
to do what we got to do.
As I'm pushing a bunch of buttons and, you know, kind of waiting for the screen to do
something useful besides give errors and stuff, we begin to hear sirens.
So that's when I thought, okay, maybe we better just use autopilot just to kind of put some
distance between us and whatever is happening around Archer's place because it's getting
live around here.
We need to be gone and Archer, he's got that look of panic going on right now, right?
So it's like, yeah, I don't want him, you know, he's already confused.
I don't want to panic too much.
I'm the professional here.
So I'd better get us out of here.
So I went ahead and just use autopilot for now and it didn't go anywhere because I didn't
have a coordinate.
So I figured, okay, well, better just pick somewhere to get from over here and the only
place I could really think of at the time, because trust me, they're all those sirens
was making an awful racket.
Not to mention I could see smoke in the air from where the workloads car kind of came
through the forest.
So I figured, yeah, you know, let's head over to trays because while we're there, I remember
tray developed this very new system when he was redoing his plumbing.
He was talking about fixing up this new system with with pecs, you know, until Archer's place
calms down just a tad, we could go over there and hang out and drink some of tray's water.
Maybe even bring him in on this thing right after all, we're up.
We are going to need some water for making our moonshine after all, right?
So I figured, that's a great idea.
Let me go ahead and key in the coordinates for a tray and I may need to contact him ahead
of time.
I figured it would be polite to inform him that, you know, we've got Club Tuesday's car,
we're going to need some place that's kind of, you know, big and open to park it.
And I don't want to just park it directly in his yard, take up all of space and everything,
you know, possibly even call the structural damage to his home, nothing like that, you
know, but this is just a gentleman thing to do, right?
After all, we're talking about me here, Scotty, obviously, I'm the gent.
So I figured, let me just go ahead and ping him real quick, see what he's up to and key
these coordinates in and let autopilot get us out of here.
I looked over Archer, he's strapping in, you know, getting himself all secured and I
thought, wow, he remembers how to use Club Tuesday's car, that's great because I totally
forgot all about that stuff.
So I'm kind of watching him do it and I'm thinking, alright, so I better remember that
because I'm going to probably need to do the same thing myself, I get the coordinates
keyed in, I feel the ground beneath me shake a little bit as Club Tuesday's car lifts
up off the ground and it's going up in the air and I got to be honest with you, the excitement
sets in and I am like a kid on Christmas Eve.
I am so excited to get this thing going, yes, I reach over to Archer, we're doing it,
buddy, we're going to be making both shy, we're getting out of here, let's do it.
Archer has on his face while I'm just super excited, he has a look that sends chills
down my spine as though he is somehow upset with me over something and I for the life
of me cannot figure out what, but I'm not going to let that spoil my mood, you know, whatever
his problem is, he'll figure it out right now though, we're going to be getting out
of here, Trey is hopefully going to message us back before we show up at his place so
we can know where to park this thing and we're starting to take off, baby, now we're moving
a little bit slower than I thought we were supposed to be moving and that's okay, you
know, but we're not in a serious rush right now and we're flying so it's not that big
of a deal, but we kind of need to go above the trees when we're flying, we're still
hitting a few of them and I'm a little bit upset about that and so I'm kind of looking
at the controls here and I'm I'm trying to find a gauge, the one that deals with elevation
and all that, I really wish he would install a regular keyboard in here because I that,
you know, whatever keyboard he currently has set up here, this is not quality, so I don't
know what's going on, but, you know, I'm working with what I've got, so I'm pushing buttons
and eventually we start to, you know, gain more elevation and here we go, right, it's
a smooth takeoff now, we're going and we're not hitting as much stuff, so that's good
and the excitement just gets better and better, as we're moving through the air and I know
some of you guys might be thinking that's super exciting, but you will not believe it,
some guys came up and they wanted to race us, that's right, we're about to get in a race
in a cloud tools car, these guys don't know what they're dealing with, I do, I know cloud tools
cars super fast and then it kind of dawned on me, normally people don't race in the air
and these guys, they're looking very familiar, right, I can kind of see them and they're rocking
a little bit, like they're signaling something, so I thought, oh, I better, I better hop on the
calms here real quick and, you know, just tune this thing in to try to see what's happening
and we start getting some calms coming in and that's when it clicked, right, but as I get the
message over the radio and I had to, I had to let Archer know as well because I'm pretty sure he's
confused about this, so I had to let him know, hey, Archer, I know you're probably thinking the exact
same thing, I'm thinking that those guys are going to race us, but we're in the air, nobody races
in the air, I think that's the United States Air Force and I think they want us to land,
like I think we might be in trouble, so we should probably do something about this and I kind
of turn to see his face and the look he has on his face, like he is losing color, I figure I better
let this sing in and in the meantime, let me work the controls a little bit more, try to get us out
of here, you know, and also try to avoid some lengthy prison time. Tray may want to contact us
any moment now, you know, let us know we can part this thing because we're going to have to first
tell these Air Force guys, you know, we're not lost and we don't need any directions going where we're
going and kind of, you know, make our way far away from them because you know, they have this nasty
habit of asking you forcefully to land and we don't we don't want that, so we're going to make
decisions very quickly to get away from them. And I may want to also think about too as well,
try to figure out how to activate the shields on this thing and possibly if there if there's any
cloaking or anything else we could benefit from while we're at it. I make sure to leave out the
part about the trees and everything else and I'm sure he won't notice. Well, Cloud 2 eventually
chimes in and he says he'll he'll do it from his end, so to speak, you know, apparently his
vehicle has been sending back all sorts of errors since we called it and he's not entirely sure
what's going on and he apparently making air quotes here doesn't believe I had nothing to do
with it. I got to tell you, if I wasn't such a good friend, I'd be I'd be very upset about that,
but you know, right now we've got other things we need to deal with and I know how to sideline
my own feelings for more important things at the moment, so that's what we're going to have to do.
So I let him work his magic, which is great. He's able to I don't know SSH into his car or something
or whatever it is he's doing. He's doing that and I'm going to go ahead and keep messaging, you
know, pinging tray over here like, hey, but sometimes the century, you know, where can we park this?
We really got to get to where you are. Oh, and by the way, if anybody from the government shows up,
we had nothing to do with it. All right, ladies and gents, I'm going to go ahead and cut it short here.
If you guys enjoy these whoppers, I'll go ahead and continue on with them. I'm just writing up a
little bit as I go along and, you know, making a little bit of entertainment for us so that we can
have in the in the meantime while we fill up the queue with more important things. I'm also going
to be responding to a few shows here shortly, but let me know your feedback on this show. I've got
a little bit more already written up, so I have to just record the rest of that is just my daughter.
She's going to be going bonkers any minute now. I got to take care of her and edit this show up
and upload. So I'll be looking for your feedback and I'm going to probably just upload all of this
to the reserve. So catch you later.
On the Sadois stages, today's show is released under Creative Commons
Attribution 4.0 International License.
