hpr-knowledge-base/hpr_transcripts/hpr0686.txt

Episode: 686
Title: HPR0686: Terminally Stupid Episode 2
Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr0686/hpr0686.mp3
Transcribed: 2025-10-08 00:50:06

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Thank you for joining us for episode two, Terminally Stupid, a show where I highlight the
Terminally Stupid or those who come awfully close.
Our first story comes to us from Anchorage, Alaska via the Associated Press on Tuesday
March 8th.
I'm sure many of you have heard that it is a ton of common for moose to roam around
various cities and towns in Alaska.
They pretty much do whatever they wish.
They're fairly large.
I don't know much that would impede them.
But it seems Miss Anita Schell got kicked when she attempted to pet one that had been
eating from the trees in town square most of the day on Monday.
She didn't go to the hospital, but she did have to get checked over by medics.
Police at Anchorage are now warning everybody again not to pet the moose.
Anita only received minor injuries to her chest and shoulder from the kick.
And Anita, I'm very, very glad that you didn't receive worse injuries.
But let me give you a little tip that I received from my parents when I was very young.
Don't pet animals you don't know.
This applies to moose, especially the wild variety.
And the last time I checked, there weren't many other kinds.
I've always maintained that criminals aren't usually the brightest people in the world.
If they were, they'd probably have better jobs.
This one really takes the kick.
This story comes to us from the Associated Press as well, for March 8th.
The strange thing about this story is that 24-year-old Timothy James Chapack of Portland
has been booked into jail after he called 911 to report that the homeowners had returned
while he was in the progress of burglarizing their home.
Mr. Chapack was afraid that the homeowners possessed guns.
They didn't have guns, but they did have two large German shepherds.
Upon the homeowner approaching Timothy and asking him what he was doing in his house,
Timothy locked himself inside the homeowner's bathroom where he proceeded to call 911.
The homeowners were also calling 911 at the same time.
The local news station in Oregon that covered this story has a video on their website
that I've been able to embed in my blog with the show notes.
It has the recordings from the 911 calls placed from the house that day.
Very entertaining stuff, Timothy.
If this incident is any indication of what the previous 24 years of your life were like,
you may want to try writing an autobiography or maybe going into a commonly related occupation.
Now this next story isn't one of my favorite stories,
but I had to record something about it just simply so I could post the mug shot of this guy on the show notes.
21-year-old David Davis of New Haven, Connecticut is now in the hospital
and due to appear in court later this month.
After stabbing a man while getting his haircut, evidently Davis and the other man
had been arguing earlier in the day and he thought the other man was going to do him harm.
So he picked up a pair of scissors and slashed the other's back.
He has now been charged with first degree assault and is being held on $5,000 bond.
The funniest part, again, is the mug shot.
Evidently, they only got halfway through the haircut before the alleged incident occurred.
You'll just have to go see the show notes and check out this photo.
Although I don't advocate this, it certainly wouldn't surprise me if the judge took one look at that
and said, punishment served.
This one comes to us from the February 24th edition of the Salisbury Journal,
straight out of the United Kingdom.
22-year-old Jessica Davis started a 30-long hour ordeal after she barricaded herself
in her car on Monday the 21st.
When she went to leave for work on Monday, she noticed that a clamping device,
or a wheel boot, had been applied to her car.
Knowing that she wouldn't be able to afford to get the car out if it was impounded,
she barricaded herself inside her car.
For a majority of the 30-hour she remained in her car, she was being watched
by the individual who placed the clamp on her car.
He was demanding 110 pounds to take the clamp off.
Now, you might be wondering why the boot or the clamp was placed on her car to begin with.
It was because a parking permit for her housing area was displayed on her dashboard
instead of being affixed to her windshield.
During the 30-hour ordeal, Miss Davie tried to contact police
and her housing association to have the problem resolved.
Neither would help her.
The police said that because it was a civil matter, they were unable to assist.
Despite the police forces inability to assist her, when her boyfriend Simon
showed up to try and help her by removing the boot himself, he was arrested.
He was later released and not charged.
Miss Davie could of course not afford the fine or the impound fees,
which is why she protested by sitting in her car.
Not only that, but her permit was displayed and easily visible through the windshield
as it rested on her dashboard.
Miss Davie's 30-hour ordeal is now over.
She removed the parking clamp herself, and she has not been required to pay the parking ticket.
Evidently, car clampers, as they are called in England, aren't all that uncommon,
but it sounds like a racket to me.
It seems that the US is not the only place to stupid criminals.
This next story comes to us from the San Francisco Chronicle from March 9, 2011.
In Sweden, a bank robber forgot to cover his tracks and live three bottles of urine behind
after hiding inside a bank vault in Copenhagen for three days.
The 27-year-old man and his accomplice used bottles to relieve themselves after sneaking
into the vault on a Friday evening in May.
They were in the vault until Monday morning.
The two men managed to empty 140 safety deposit boxes of at least $500,000 in cash and
jewelry.
One of the sweets has already been caught and due to the DNA evidence he left behind
is sentenced to 21 months in prison.
The other is still at large.
The San Francisco Chronicle also reports that on February 22, 2011, two roommates got into
a brawl over girl scout cookies.
According to the article the Collier County Sheriff's Office in Naples, Florida, reported
that a 30-year-old Hersha Howard woke up her roommate early Sunday and accused her
meeting her thin-knit girl scout cookies.
Evidently, they argued, and then the argument turned physical.
With Howard chasing her roommate with a pair of scissors and hitting her repeatedly with
a board and then with a sign, police say that roommates has been tried to separate them,
the roommates said she gave the cookies to Howard's children.
Howard is now charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault
with a deadly weapon.
She was released to Monday on $10,000 bail.
I wonder if once she made bail, if she went straight to find herself in thin-knit girl scout
cookies.
There's a serious note, Miss Howard.
Wouldn't it just been cheaper to go down and buy another box of $3,000 Girl Scout cookies?
I mean, I'm no economist or mathematician, but last time I checked, $3 is a great deal
less than $10,000.
There never seems to be any shortage of weird, strange, goofy, funny, odd computer gadgets
or gadgets in general.
I personally have not had any of these inclinations, but this gadget was designed for lovers
of the look, the feel, and the quality of the old-fashioned manual typewriters.
Evidently, you can plug this directly into your computer or your iPad and use it in place
of your keyboard via USB cable.
According to the website, the modification is easy to install and it involves no messy
wiring and does not change the outward appearance of the typewriter.
One more interesting than the typewriter itself is if the design is distributed under creative
comments, attributions, share, or like, non-commercial.
And all design documents used in making the USB typewriter can be found on the website.
Not so sure this is something I'm going to rush right out to buy.
I personally do not miss the manual typewriter.
Well, thanks for listening, that wraps up this edition.
Hope you enjoyed the comedic factor involved in all of this, and I hope you don't repeat
these people's mistakes.
If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, please feel free to email me at Mrs.
Zogue, that's MRSXOKE, at gmail.com.
You can find links to these articles, see the show notes, and more at CaptainDramaticSmom.blogspot.com.
Or you can reach me at our forum at forum.zoke.org.
Thanks, and please join us again next time.
Music offered under Creative Commons license, share, or like 1.0.
The track featured on this podcast is titled Guatemala Panama March by the Heftone Banjo
Orchestra, from your album Music Box Rag.
You can get a copy of this song and many others at www.Heftone.com, forward slash orchestra.
Stay tuned for the fulling version of this song.
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