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+Episode: 4484
+Title: HPR4484: When Your Dentist Uses ChatControl Logic
+Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr4484/hpr4484.mp3
+Transcribed: 2025-11-22 14:55:23
+
+---
+
+This is Hacker Public Radio Episode 4484 for Thursday 9 October 2025.
+Today's show is entitled, When Your Dentist Uses Chat Control Logic.
+It is hosted by Troler Coaster and is about 14 minutes long.
+It carries a clean flag.
+The summary is, Troler Coaster alerts us to the dangers of the proposed EU chat control
+legislation.
+So here I am, sitting in the waiting room with a mildly annoying toothache, nothing
+got a shruffick, just one of those dull throbs that tells you something's going on in there
+that could turn nasty if ignored.
+The receptionist calls my name, and I walk into Dr. Chat Control's office.
+The dentist greets me with a concerned expression.
+I've reviewed your case, he says gravely, and many others.
+Toothaches are a serious problem.
+Did you know that in 2023 alone, at least 111,988 people in Europe experienced a dental
+pain that's over 60% of all global complaints traced to this region.
+Okay, I say, but I just need you to take a look at this one tooth.
+This is an epidemic interrupts, and we can't just treat symptoms anymore.
+We need a comprehensive mandatory risk assessment.
+Dr. Chat Control pulls out a 47-page questionnaire.
+First we assess the risk that your mouth might develop cavities, gum disease, or oral cancer
+he explained.
+This applies to everyone, regardless of whether they have symptoms.
+But I have symptoms, I say, this is why I'm here.
+Exactly, he says triumphantly.
+Which means your high risk.
+So we move on to phase 2 mitigation measures.
+He hands me a pamphlet titled safety by design for oral health.
+From now on, you need to implement parental control on your diet.
+Every candy will come with an age verification wrapper and user reporting mechanisms, so
+your teeth can flag potential problems and verify your age before consuming any hard
+foods.
+It's verification, I retort, but I'm 38.
+Perfect, he replies.
+That means you're old enough to consent to monitoring.
+Now, Dr. Chat Control continues, since your mitigation measures haven't been implemented
+yet, you just got here, I know, I'm authorized to issue a detection order.
+He holds up an official looking document with a judges signature.
+This allows me to scan not just the tooth that hurts, but your entire mouth and your
+sinuses, and your lymph nodes, and just to be thorough, everyone in the waiting room.
+Huh?
+Oh, hey, what?
+I blurt out.
+It's targeted.
+He assures me.
+We're only scanning high-risk areas, which, according to our independent EU dental
+center, is every tooth, every patient, all the time.
+But here's the clever part, Dr. Chat Control says.
+Pulling out what looks like a tiny sander strapped to an airbrush.
+Your enamel contains layers that currently block our view with regards to early detection
+of certain viruses.
+So we need to replace the enamel with an optimized layer that perfectly protects against
+currently known sugars and acids, but allows our government-approved detection equipment
+to inspect the content of your teeth.
+I'm flabbergasted.
+Oh, you want to weaken my enamel?
+Wow, only slightly.
+He said cheerfully.
+Just enough so that our scanner can monitor what's happening inside your teeth all the
+times.
+You'll feel much safer.
+And don't worry, the new enamel will still protect you from everything else.
+How is that possible?
+If you can penetrate it, I can't use the cautious.
+Well, factory-approved candies, for example, he says, repeatable candy manufacturers have
+agreed to respect the adapted enamel and not penetrate it.
+They've signed a treaty to use optimized sugars, okay?
+And the artisanal candies, I ask, he says, adjusting his glasses.
+Those are obviously illegal.
+Those criminals don't tend to honor treaties.
+So yeah, the adapted enamel will make your teeth more vulnerable to unauthorized cavity
+formation, bacterial attacks, and anyone who wants to exploit the fact that your natural
+protection has been replaced with enough to optimize version.
+So you're making my teeth less secure, I repeat?
+We're making them more observable, he corrects.
+With a slightly annoyed tone, that's a difference.
+Your teeth will still be protected, just not against us.
+Or hostile foreign candy shops.
+Or those criminal artisanal real sugar nuts.
+But you have no business there anyway.
+And they will definitely protect you against harms from law abiding candy.
+But I read like over 500 leading dentists signed a letter saying this would create massive
+vulnerabilities, I point out.
+Those dentists are thinking about long-term hygiene, but the chat controlled size dismissively.
+Besides, it's not a back door, if we're replacing the front door with a tinted glass door,
+given all your citizens are law abiding, his tone gets stoner if he continues.
+Let me say more.
+If you refuse to upgrade your enamel, we will consider you a risk of dental terrorism.
+This is no longer about your teeth only, you must know.
+If you choose to blatantly ignore your teeth, you're a threat to society.
+But the whole reason I am here is because I care about my teeth.
+Dr. Holtzup is machine and asks, do you want me to treat you or to report you?
+Okay, whatever.
+It seems everybody is doing this.
+I don't want to be the outcast, crying wolf all the time, so I gave in.
+It's a relief, the procedure isn't painful.
+After completing the baseline scan, Dr. Chat Control frowns at the screen.
+Hmm, this is concerning, he says.
+The system has flagged 8,412 potential cavities.
+Huh?
+What?
+But I only have 32 teeth, I whimper.
+The detection algorithm works on a probabilistic model, he explains.
+Swiss dental authorities report that about 80% of automated cavity reports of our false
+positives, so we'll need to investigate all of them.
+But that still means 1,682 of those threats are real?
+I say.
+Which is still 1,682 too many, Dr. Chat Control blurs.
+Now I'll need to drill exploratory holes in every tooth, in your gums, your tongue,
+and just to be safe in your neighbor's mouth, because the system flagged them too, when
+they walked past the waiting room.
+But the disk seems insane.
+The math is solid, he insists.
+Again at 99.99% accuracy, which doesn't exist, we still generate 100,000 false dental
+alerts per day across Europe's 450 million people, but we can't let the cavities win.
+While Dr. Chat Control explains his flawless system, I notice how the tooth that is actually
+hurting, the one I came to fix, is starting to abscess.
+Dr. I say, pointing to the swelling.
+We'll get to that after we finish scanning everyone, he says dismissively.
+The important thing is that no cavity goes undetected, even if it means we spend all our
+time investigating healthy teeth.
+But the actual problem is getting worse, I say.
+That's because sophisticated cavities have learned to evade detection.
+Dr. Chat Control explains.
+They change their appearance slightly, maybe grow on the back of the tooth instead of
+the front, or hide under existing fillings, our algorithms can't catch those yet.
+But what about that letter from those 500 dentists?
+They also claim it's technically infeasible?
+Ah, they're just not thinking big enough, the doctor blocks my argument.
+So here's the treatment plan, Dr. Chat Control says, we're gonna install a permanent scanning
+device in your jaw that monitors every tooth, 24-7, and reports any suspicious activity
+to a centralized EU dental database.
+Ooh, that sounds like a massive security risk.
+Ah, not at all, here it applies.
+The device is encrypted, only our scanner can look behind your upgraded enamel.
+What leaves your tooth is already encrypted, so your privacy is intact.
+No other device than ours can read the data.
+What about those knock-offs you can buy on all the express?
+I ask.
+Ah, they don't work reliably.
+And also, why would hackers want access to your teeth, his coughed?
+Although, now that I think about it, the device itself could make a high-valuable target for
+malicious actors as they could abuse them to learn how to make knock-off candy that
+doesn't get detected by scanners.
+Things your natural enamel would obviously protect against, but let's not go there.
+By the way, Dr. Chat Control adds casually, dentists and dental workers in the EU are exempt
+from the scanning requirement under professional dental secrecy.
+So there they don't get monitored, I ask.
+Correct, he says.
+Our oral health is a matter of public trust.
+Yours, however, requires constant surveillance.
+Ah, isn't that like a double standard?
+Eh, it's a two-tire system for a two-tire society, here applies pleasantly.
+Now shall we proceed with installing the jaw monitor?
+By this point, my actual toothache is developing into a full-blown infection.
+The pain is incruciating.
+Dr. I need antibiotics and a root canal, I cry.
+No, we don't do target treatments anymore.
+Dr. Chat Control says, that's the old model.
+Now we focus on comprehensive mandatory monitoring.
+But I'm going to lose my tooth, I say, perhaps he acknowledges.
+But while we were scanning everyone in the waiting room, we found three people with slightly
+suspicious molars.
+They're perfectly healthy now.
+But they could develop cavity someday.
+That's three potential problems prevented.
+And preventing is always better than curing.
+But my problem actually needs curing, I point out, it's getting worse.
+Yeah, he admits.
+But we've invested so much in the scanning infrastructure that we can't really afford
+to do traditional dentistry anymore.
+The system needs to justify itself, you understand.
+Oh, but this isn't sane, I repeat.
+This is progress, he corrects me.
+As I'm leaving the office, still with my untreated, painful mouth and a jaw full of surveillance
+equipment, I notice the sign on the door, signal dental, orthodontic streamer, and brought
+on mouth care, have seized operations in the EU due to incompatibility with mandatory
+scanning requirements.
+Apparently, the dentists who actually know how to fix my teeth without installing spyware
+have all moved to Switzerland.
+Meanwhile, I hear the voice of Dr. Chad Control behind me in the waiting room announcing
+to everyone, we've successfully detected 6,847 potential cavities this week.
+And someone asks what he means by potential, he quietly answers, only 11 were real, but
+that's 11 teeth saved.
+The infection is still spreading, my mouth is throbbing, and I'll probably lose my tooth
+after all because nobody's actually treating it, but at least the healthy ones are under
+constant surveillance.
+Okay, so this was my story, I made fun of it, but it's not funny.
+I mean, it's about wasting loads of money on a noble goal in all the wrong ways.
+But next week, October 14th, the vote will be cast in the EU, so it's high time to reach
+out to your MEP and ask their stance if they're undecided, or their motivation if they're
+in favor.
+Go to fightchatcontrol.eu if you live in Europe.
+And don't forget if you don't live in Europe, this will also impact you because we can
+create encryption in mainstream products, we'll spread, and the weekend encryption will
+be used everywhere.
+So fightchatcontrol.eu, reach out to your MEPs if you're living in Europe, and make some
+fuss about it, please, because this isn't important.
+You have been listening to Hacker Public Radio, as Hacker Public Radio does work.
+Today's show was contributed by a HBR listener like yourself, if you ever thought of
+a quick podcast, and click on our contribute link to find out how easy it really is.
+Hosting for HBR has been kindly provided by an honesthost.com, the Internet Archive
+and our Sync.net.
+On the Sadois status, today's show is released on our Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International
+License.