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Episode: 686
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Title: HPR0686: Terminally Stupid Episode 2
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Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr0686/hpr0686.mp3
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Transcribed: 2025-10-08 00:50:06
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---
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.
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Thank you for joining us for episode two, Terminally Stupid, a show where I highlight the
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Terminally Stupid or those who come awfully close.
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Our first story comes to us from Anchorage, Alaska via the Associated Press on Tuesday
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March 8th.
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I'm sure many of you have heard that it is a ton of common for moose to roam around
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various cities and towns in Alaska.
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They pretty much do whatever they wish.
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They're fairly large.
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I don't know much that would impede them.
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But it seems Miss Anita Schell got kicked when she attempted to pet one that had been
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eating from the trees in town square most of the day on Monday.
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She didn't go to the hospital, but she did have to get checked over by medics.
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Police at Anchorage are now warning everybody again not to pet the moose.
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Anita only received minor injuries to her chest and shoulder from the kick.
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And Anita, I'm very, very glad that you didn't receive worse injuries.
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But let me give you a little tip that I received from my parents when I was very young.
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Don't pet animals you don't know.
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This applies to moose, especially the wild variety.
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And the last time I checked, there weren't many other kinds.
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I've always maintained that criminals aren't usually the brightest people in the world.
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If they were, they'd probably have better jobs.
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This one really takes the kick.
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This story comes to us from the Associated Press as well, for March 8th.
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The strange thing about this story is that 24-year-old Timothy James Chapack of Portland
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has been booked into jail after he called 911 to report that the homeowners had returned
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while he was in the progress of burglarizing their home.
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Mr. Chapack was afraid that the homeowners possessed guns.
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They didn't have guns, but they did have two large German shepherds.
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Upon the homeowner approaching Timothy and asking him what he was doing in his house,
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Timothy locked himself inside the homeowner's bathroom where he proceeded to call 911.
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The homeowners were also calling 911 at the same time.
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The local news station in Oregon that covered this story has a video on their website
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that I've been able to embed in my blog with the show notes.
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It has the recordings from the 911 calls placed from the house that day.
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Very entertaining stuff, Timothy.
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If this incident is any indication of what the previous 24 years of your life were like,
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you may want to try writing an autobiography or maybe going into a commonly related occupation.
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Now this next story isn't one of my favorite stories,
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but I had to record something about it just simply so I could post the mug shot of this guy on the show notes.
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21-year-old David Davis of New Haven, Connecticut is now in the hospital
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and due to appear in court later this month.
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After stabbing a man while getting his haircut, evidently Davis and the other man
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had been arguing earlier in the day and he thought the other man was going to do him harm.
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So he picked up a pair of scissors and slashed the other's back.
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He has now been charged with first degree assault and is being held on $5,000 bond.
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The funniest part, again, is the mug shot.
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Evidently, they only got halfway through the haircut before the alleged incident occurred.
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You'll just have to go see the show notes and check out this photo.
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Although I don't advocate this, it certainly wouldn't surprise me if the judge took one look at that
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and said, punishment served.
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This one comes to us from the February 24th edition of the Salisbury Journal,
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straight out of the United Kingdom.
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22-year-old Jessica Davis started a 30-long hour ordeal after she barricaded herself
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in her car on Monday the 21st.
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When she went to leave for work on Monday, she noticed that a clamping device,
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or a wheel boot, had been applied to her car.
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Knowing that she wouldn't be able to afford to get the car out if it was impounded,
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she barricaded herself inside her car.
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For a majority of the 30-hour she remained in her car, she was being watched
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by the individual who placed the clamp on her car.
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He was demanding 110 pounds to take the clamp off.
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Now, you might be wondering why the boot or the clamp was placed on her car to begin with.
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It was because a parking permit for her housing area was displayed on her dashboard
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instead of being affixed to her windshield.
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During the 30-hour ordeal, Miss Davie tried to contact police
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and her housing association to have the problem resolved.
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Neither would help her.
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The police said that because it was a civil matter, they were unable to assist.
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Despite the police forces inability to assist her, when her boyfriend Simon
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showed up to try and help her by removing the boot himself, he was arrested.
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He was later released and not charged.
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Miss Davie could of course not afford the fine or the impound fees,
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which is why she protested by sitting in her car.
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Not only that, but her permit was displayed and easily visible through the windshield
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as it rested on her dashboard.
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Miss Davie's 30-hour ordeal is now over.
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She removed the parking clamp herself, and she has not been required to pay the parking ticket.
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Evidently, car clampers, as they are called in England, aren't all that uncommon,
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but it sounds like a racket to me.
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It seems that the US is not the only place to stupid criminals.
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This next story comes to us from the San Francisco Chronicle from March 9, 2011.
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In Sweden, a bank robber forgot to cover his tracks and live three bottles of urine behind
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after hiding inside a bank vault in Copenhagen for three days.
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The 27-year-old man and his accomplice used bottles to relieve themselves after sneaking
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into the vault on a Friday evening in May.
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They were in the vault until Monday morning.
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The two men managed to empty 140 safety deposit boxes of at least $500,000 in cash and
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jewelry.
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One of the sweets has already been caught and due to the DNA evidence he left behind
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is sentenced to 21 months in prison.
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The other is still at large.
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The San Francisco Chronicle also reports that on February 22, 2011, two roommates got into
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a brawl over girl scout cookies.
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According to the article the Collier County Sheriff's Office in Naples, Florida, reported
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that a 30-year-old Hersha Howard woke up her roommate early Sunday and accused her
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meeting her thin-knit girl scout cookies.
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Evidently, they argued, and then the argument turned physical.
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With Howard chasing her roommate with a pair of scissors and hitting her repeatedly with
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a board and then with a sign, police say that roommates has been tried to separate them,
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the roommates said she gave the cookies to Howard's children.
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Howard is now charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault
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with a deadly weapon.
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She was released to Monday on $10,000 bail.
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I wonder if once she made bail, if she went straight to find herself in thin-knit girl scout
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cookies.
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There's a serious note, Miss Howard.
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Wouldn't it just been cheaper to go down and buy another box of $3,000 Girl Scout cookies?
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I mean, I'm no economist or mathematician, but last time I checked, $3 is a great deal
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less than $10,000.
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There never seems to be any shortage of weird, strange, goofy, funny, odd computer gadgets
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or gadgets in general.
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I personally have not had any of these inclinations, but this gadget was designed for lovers
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of the look, the feel, and the quality of the old-fashioned manual typewriters.
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Evidently, you can plug this directly into your computer or your iPad and use it in place
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of your keyboard via USB cable.
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According to the website, the modification is easy to install and it involves no messy
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wiring and does not change the outward appearance of the typewriter.
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One more interesting than the typewriter itself is if the design is distributed under creative
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comments, attributions, share, or like, non-commercial.
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And all design documents used in making the USB typewriter can be found on the website.
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Not so sure this is something I'm going to rush right out to buy.
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I personally do not miss the manual typewriter.
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Well, thanks for listening, that wraps up this edition.
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Hope you enjoyed the comedic factor involved in all of this, and I hope you don't repeat
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these people's mistakes.
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If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, please feel free to email me at Mrs.
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Zogue, that's MRSXOKE, at gmail.com.
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You can find links to these articles, see the show notes, and more at CaptainDramaticSmom.blogspot.com.
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Or you can reach me at our forum at forum.zoke.org.
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Thanks, and please join us again next time.
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Music offered under Creative Commons license, share, or like 1.0.
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The track featured on this podcast is titled Guatemala Panama March by the Heftone Banjo
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Orchestra, from your album Music Box Rag.
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You can get a copy of this song and many others at www.Heftone.com, forward slash orchestra.
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Stay tuned for the fulling version of this song.
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Thank you for listening to Hacker Public Radio, HPR is sponsored by Carol.net, so head
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on over to C-A-R-O.N.C. for all of us in the world.
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