hpr-knowledge-base/hpr_transcripts/hpr0069.txt

Episode: 69
Title: HPR0069: There's Pr0n on them there internets!
Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr0069/hpr0069.mp3
Transcribed: 2025-10-07 11:01:33

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son
Welcome to Hacker Public Radio, episode 69.
Tonight you have two special hosts joining you, myself Buck Dangler, and also on the phone
with me introduce yourself, TT Creamer on the line.
We are going to, we are going to bless you tonight with this episode of HBR or
Kirschu, however you might see. So let us give you a disclaimer up front that
this will be an extremely not-safe for works. That would be X-N-F-F-W, totally not
safe for work. So you are now being warned that on episode 69 of HBR, we're going to
talk about some topics that you might not want people to over here. So you should
turn off this episode now. But if you are going to stick around and listen to this
episode, we've actually got some information to share with you. We're going to talk about
porn on the internet because shock and awe there is porn on the interwebs. The tubes
are stuffed with all kinds of porn stuff that you probably don't even want to know about.
But we're going to tell you about because we're just that kind of group. Now, TT Creamer
and I have been around for a while. We'll just leave it at that. And we've kind of watched
porn grow and develop over the years. Is that a true statement?
Oh, it's certainly true.
Watch the growth of porn.
I might think I have my first stuff, maybe after one month of being on the net.
You know, even pre-dating the net, maybe you and I might be the only ones that can appreciate
the old, oh, good old beta max in VHS days before the interwebs came around.
But we're going to focus on the, we're going to focus on the inter, well, actually you know
I'm going to start if I may. Actually, let me start before I, so you know what I'm going
to start with? I'm going to start with a little rant I have because there's one thing I've
never understood. Like, yeah, surprise, surprise. Me, of course, Buck Dangler, who's not famous
for ranting. You like that other guy who I may sound very similar to, but I'm not.
But, um, yes, Buck Dangler's first rant. Well, first of all, let me, let me also back
right. I'm doing the whole episode of Reverse. I'm doing the whole episode of Reverse
apparently before I get started with even that. Let me just point out that Buck Dangler is
continuing a tradition, the 69 tradition because I have 69 radio freak America, and I have 69
to bend a rubber radio. I think multiple times, some would say 200 times, but that's
these are here and they're there. And here I am 69ing hacker public radio. So, I'm
just saying I've been around the block. That's all. So, 69 today, I'm going to just kind
of come out with one thing that's always bugged me about porn and people's obsession
with it. I love porn as much as the next guy. Well, maybe not as much as not
there, but as much as most other people anyway. Well, then there's decoder and there's
an ad. Okay, so not as much as everybody, but some people, most people. But one thing
I've never understood, and I don't know how, let me, let me see what you think about
this. Let me bounce this off of you. Do you have, and here I'm going to put you
on the spot too in front of all the people in the worldwide web listening to this, which
is not many. Do you have a porn collection? Oh, certainly. I must have saved every
download I've ever had. See, I don't understand that. I don't get that. I don't
know what the point of saving prong is because there's so much of it. I don't see
the need to hoard it and store it and have a giant collection of it. If I ever
want porn, I'll go out on the interwebs and grab it. The tubes are stuck with every
kind of porn you could ever imagine. I don't really see the need to hoard it and burn
it. I know I have known people that Alva betrays their shit and renamed it all
and had it all sequenced and everything and rated. I swear to you, I had new
picture people that would go into their photos and using their photo things
graded with like five stars and three stars and stuff like that and have this
giant collection of porno. I can't. One of your sound of likes there. No, there's no
for his cataloging and data-facing activities. Oh, yeah. People over do that. Yeah, I'm
not just coming out saying that it might be Stangdog that does it. I'm just saying
that me, Buck Danger. I'm pointing in and out of the spanger. But really, the whole
if I ever wanted porn that I don't of course star in already, I can go out on the
internet and film things exactly. Although no one's ever actually seen one. I wonder
what that is. Could it be I'm totally full of shit? I don't know. I can go on
grab one. There are tons of places to get porn on the internet. So storing it,
saving it. I mean, I guess if you had maybe like your favorite, I don't know, maybe
you're obsessed with Britney Spears. So you want the up skirt or her getting out the
car. I guess I can see that. Maybe if you're obsessed with somebody, I don't know.
Maybe you've got your one or two favorites or something. But other than that, I
really don't, I really don't get it. You can find just about anything you want on
the internet. So that's what we're going to talk about in the first part of the show
here. You and I of course have been around and remember that one of the first
places anyway that I got porn and maybe you'll back me up on this was actually
pre-interweb when it was just a lot of local BBSs you could connect to and
download porn as long as well as a lot of great text files and other hacking
stuff like that that we found over the years. There was also porn creeping out
into those. So you ever, were you ever in that in the BBS world? I'm afraid I only
did that like once and I didn't get that high quality a BBS. It's amazing that
some BBS archivist hasn't made a project out of that idea.
Well, again, there's so much porn. There's really not a whole lot of point out
there, point of it out there. I mean, faculty ask you days they had to make
it do, you know? Well, ask you though. Yeah, yeah, the ask you probably good
stuff. Tell me you've never seen it. Oh, yeah, I've seen it. Actually, I was going to
talk about believe it or not, the quality of point has changed a lot since then.
I even remember black and white porn. Oh, no. Absolutely black and white
point. Absolutely. And you know what, even in the early days of the BBS as one of
the things we downloaded was that would circle around the tubes or actually I guess
they weren't tubes back then. There were probably dump trucks back then before the
tubes were laid. But every once in a while the dump trucks would send this picture
around and there were some pretty bizarre things that were being spread around
back then. But they were in black and white. They didn't have the high quality
cameras. You didn't have any couple who decided to share their activities on the
intoebbed, could buy something at best light and take home and make their own
little home videos and pictures and stuff like that. So what you had was this
porn that was just, it was, I guess more, I don't know, it was harder to find
certainly than it is now. But it was usually niche fetishes if you will. So yeah,
it was that kind of fetish are we talking about? Oh, you know what? Well, we're
going to come back to that later on to show anyway, that compared to what we got
now. Yeah, I just think we remember though, like, I don't know what the politically
correct term is here, but little people. And I remember, and I remember body
builder chicks, I don't know why that was a, that doesn't do anything for me.
What else? I don't know, just all kinds of stuff. But from the BBS days,
then later on when the intoebbed, actually before the intoebbed, when it was just
the internet, we had something called use net and news groups. Now, this is
something you do remember. Oh, yeah. So explain it for those, because again,
there are some listeners who are young and have never actually seen or know
exactly what use net is. So can you give a little brief description of it? Well,
yeah, you know, instead of having, you know, one central, you know,
intoebbed computer, they had a whole bunch of little news servers they were
called. And basically, these things would talk to each other at different
times, and say, do you have this file? No, I don't. Oh, here it is. You know,
stuff like that, and there's a computer language, and the files would go around
the world that way. And anybody could set up their own news server and
subscribe to, and of course, the software then and still is, believe it or not,
still easily available. It's, it's kind of lost, lost interest now because most
use net has been replaced with forums because they accomplished the same thing.
But anybody can and still can to this, they set up a news server. And there
are thousands and tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds, I think there are,
there are over 100,000 news groups out there now. And each one's broken down
into different categories. And theoretically, people should post on topic in the
categories, but it's a lot like the forums when people decide to post things
where they don't belong. And that was one thing that was the downfall of
use net. The second was spam. About the same time that, yeah, about the same
time that use net was growing, the worldwide web came a few years after that.
And people were using use net, which is where still most of us were going,
we're talking in the late 80s, early 90s here, along the mid to late 90s when
the worldwide web was growing, porn sites were going out on the worldwide web
because we now have the ability to show pictures in a web, in a browser, in
Los Angeles browser back then. And the sites were trying to make money off of it.
Well, they knew that most users back then were still in use net, so they
would spam use net with these pictures. And use net was a ASCII text based
thing. It wasn't pictures like you think of on the worldwide web. So what
happened is these pictures were getting coded into ASCII text. The UU encoded,
UU decoded to put the photo back together with different newsreader applications.
Well, you and I were talking earlier, and we both remember that there were
shortly, or I guess not shortly, during the life of the use net world,
there was some applications that were totally dedicated to one specific purpose.
Instead of browsing all this text and browsing, you know, in their hacking groups,
there are total text space groups out there that you could go through.
But the most popular ones were the binaries. And specifically,
alt.binaries, and even more specifically, alt.binaries.erotica.
Well, most of those binaries were old stands for my friend.
Alternative.
What is old?
That's what they told the public.
Aha.
And we grew up on my tinfoil hat.
Uh-oh.
Alt stands for some things.
All right.
Anarchists, lunatics, and terrorists.
You know that sounds like you really find it.
That sounds about right, absolutely.
But all of these quote-unquote binaries news groups were designed to allow you to encode things
and load them up there.
And the reason was, if people respected that only post binaries in the binaries don't post them outside of that,
those people who were running their own new servers would choose to exclude those
because they would obviously take up a lot of disk space.
And that was dependent on how every news server was set up.
So, those new servers that actually carried all of those things
may only carry them for 24 hours or less, and they were constantly turning out
tons and tons of free content of whatever it may be.
Most of it copyright violations.
Back then, people didn't care.
Yeah.
Not that they do much more now, but that's another story.
So...
The servers usually had huge, huge distrust for their day.
And they were not achieved back then.
Yeah, they were not achieved for drives back then either.
But there were programs that you could download and install on your home computer machine
that would purposely go out there and look in the binaries groups,
or any groups that you told it to, but most people used it to go through the binaries.
And it would automatically download everything that was in that news group.
So, it would go through and it would parse through all of that,
grab all the pictures for them, throw them into directories for you,
so that you could automate that whole process.
You didn't actually have to go through and click on it.
And it's basically like using an email program.
And automatically download all that porn for you.
Now, you use some stuff like that, right?
Yeah, you do have either, right?
A scripting porn box.
Or, yeah, roll your own.
Throw up there and randomly grab things.
Yeah.
Well, see, I made the mistake of actually downloading one.
I remember it specifically.
It's called NewsBin.
Our NewsBin Pro.
And this one was interesting because it was all Googified, which was great,
and you could set it up, and you could just start it running,
and you could walk away and let it go, just like a bot.
I mean, it was not automated.
And you could open up multiple threads so that it could be fast,
especially if you had high speed internet like I did.
From my dorm, from university, I could access that kind of stuff quickly.
So putting my educational funds to use.
And believe me, I got a fucking education.
You would not believe from those things.
But anyway.
But you know, even a style of dude had a trick around that.
They would simply let these babies run overnight.
They would swim up and turn it into the evening and wake up
and see what kind of haul they had.
Yeah.
And truthfully, the videos had not really hit that big then,
because it was still early days that video was not quite as prevalent
and easy to digitize back then.
And secondly, it was expensive.
So we're still talking mostly pictures.
A few videos may extend, but mostly images.
So even on dial-up, you could get a quite a haul overnight.
Well, my first experience with one of these was,
I went through there and I was,
you go through and you select which news groups you want to subscribe
to and pull the stuff down from.
And I just didn't feel like going through every one of them
to try to decide which ones I was interested in,
and which ones I wanted to see.
So I just told it, grab everything that's all.binaries.erotica
and just go to town, run overnight.
And in the morning, I'll come check and stop it and see, you know.
Well, I woke up the next morning to a hard drive full error message.
And it had only gotten through a handful.
There are thousands of those, every fetish
and every little thing you could think of,
and completely filled my hard drive.
And was trying to keep writing, and every time it would write,
it would get an error message, hard drive full,
and it would continue onwards.
It had been running all night.
I had more porn in one night, which is probably,
I think that's the lesson that taught me what I said earlier.
There's no need to hoard porn, because you can fill a hard drive
overnight with porn from the internet,
and I barely scratched the surface.
That was like 0.0001% of the porn on the Internet.
So you didn't have any favorite groups or nothing, huh?
Well, no, I did not.
However, I was very serious about getting an education
because I saw stuff I never knew people were into,
that I never even thought about being into,
or thought about as erotic as the name implies in the news group,
because some of it was the opposite of erotic,
if you know what I mean.
There were people graced to each other that were just,
even me, buff dangler, and all my experience
do not want to be involved with.
There's not enough money in the world for me to try some of those things.
And some of those things we're going to talk about in a few minutes,
actually, we'll draw those lines,
but we'll kind of move on through the evolution here.
So, Uesnet was a great source,
and still is a great source of porn,
even though it's all spamified.
Here, I'll throw something else out there, too.
I'm the kind of person that I really don't care if it's spammed.
Okay, there's a naked chicken at the bottom.
It's got some website spammed.
I've got a pretty good ability.
The crop function for, right?
Yeah, well, I don't even need to crop it.
I actually have an innate ability.
Maybe it's one of my mutant abilities,
besides cussing like a truck driver,
is to ignore and not see the porn.
There's pits and ass on the screen.
I'm not even looking down at the bottom for the words.
I don't care what website it came from.
So, I don't know.
The porn stuff doesn't really bother me,
unless it's over the, you know,
if it's blocking out the punani,
then you're just, that's just me.
You know, that's just, that's negative.
If you ask me,
I'll never go to that site and support them.
Never, come on.
You're going to spam,
put it at the bottom,
be tasteful about it.
But, you know,
share the, share the love.
Why would anyone pay for something so wonderful?
It's like,
Well, exactly,
and that's a good segue,
because now,
the porn industry is huge on the interwebs,
and Buck Danger is a professional porn actor.
I, of course, am thankful for that.
But,
Yeah, for the industry to be in.
I still find it interesting,
and I'm using that people do pay for porn
when it is so plentiful and, for so free.
Now, again, maybe it comes back to what I said before about,
if it's famous people,
or somebody that you're really into,
I know, like,
Janet Jamison,
I'm not a,
I don't know a whole lot of the names,
or famous names,
and porn,
unfortunately.
But, um,
if you're into one of them,
and you want to pay for their pictures,
I guess,
I can see that,
but I don't see how it's a multi-million dollar.
Thing, you know what I mean?
There are people,
if you've never.
A task.
There are people getting famous.
Well, you know,
you seem to have a very domestic feel for this.
Hmm, that's a good point.
You know, I mean, I remember,
you know, because back in the old days,
they didn't know how to, you know,
censor the use net.
And I remember getting things from Denmark,
yeah, across the legal climate was very different.
Yes, and that's,
that's actually is another good point that we don't want to travel too far down that road
to cross any line of as though we're endorsing or anything like that.
But it goes back to you can find anything,
even things that are considered illegal in this country,
that may not be legal enough.
In other countries,
or even, yeah,
you may even so,
they're originate in countries where it's illegal.
But anyway,
that's one road we don't want to go down.
I think that's our one line we're going to draw in this episode.
And man,
I'm telling you what,
well, about what we're about to talk about in a minute,
doesn't seem like there's any lines,
but we'll draw it there.
But on the infrared,
on the infrared,
you got pasteites,
that's all well and good.
There are also a lot of forums.
Now, I kind of mentioned earlier,
forums have kind of replaced use net and news groups
because it basically has the same thing.
You can post comments,
but because it's the worldwide interweb,
you can also post videos and images,
JPEGs,
et cetera,
in-stream,
you don't have to disassemble them
and reassemble them
to recreate it,
and need special apps to download it.
You can just have instant gratification
for whatever you want to take that statement to mean.
Some more instant than others.
I guess it depends on the pictures.
And the person.
And both.
But forums now are out there
that where people like to share this stuff
and not charge for it.
So if you go out there and look,
the problem is, of course,
with the intellectual property climate.
Wow.
Did you ever think you'd use the phrase
intellectual property in porn at the same time?
Oh, no, never.
Never thought I'd say that.
Not to insult anyone who's into porn.
Like me, fuck dangler.
How long can I keep this character up?
All right.
So besides forums,
there's forums out there
where people post a lot of that stuff.
A lot of them are private.
A lot of them are,
to keep make sure that they're not rated by people,
that you have to get approved for an account
and stuff like that.
But they are out there,
and that's where you'll find all your little,
I guess, for lack of a better word,
illegal sharing of copyrighted images.
So some people may go out to a pay site,
download all that stuff,
and then share it with forums on others.
It's just like the whole warehouse scene.
So they are out there,
if you wanted to go look for them bad enough,
you can certainly find them.
And even to the same,
to a lesser extent,
there are free ones.
The free ones tend to get overloaded quickly
and shut down quickly for obvious reasons.
There's also video sharing sites,
like you porn.
And I don't know of any others, do you?
Oh, well, you know,
there's hitsinath.com, of course.
Oh, well.
All right, well.
You could just test these names.
Yeah, there's tons of them.
There's tons of them,
but video upload sites again now
that video is prevalent.
So you can find that all day long
and a continuously refreshed assortment
of porn to choose from.
Once again, no need to download it.
And photo upload sites along the same lines.
And these amateur, voyer type sites photo uploads,
which is different than the others in,
that these are like normal everyday people.
These are the adventurous couples,
husband and wife,
who want to, you know,
get a little thinking
and do a little voyeurism,
share their pictures with people.
You know, more like real life normal.
But you don't want to look at those people.
Well, some of them you don't.
Some of them?
Yeah.
Some of them are not bad.
Some of them are not bad.
But yeah, you definitely take,
taking your,
well, I guess not your life in your hand,
which is taking something in your hands.
And I did not mean that metaphor
to come out that way.
Yeah, let's pretend I didn't say that.
You'd put whatever you want in your hands.
But anyway,
there's lots of sites out there for that as well,
so you can go digging for those.
Now, since we are,
let's be talking about porn.
We're going to have to, of course,
talk about, you know,
we mentioned some of the different fetishes
and things that are out there.
And I'm going to talk about fetishes per se.
And some more going to talk about
some of the weird positions
that have been talked about and discussed online.
A lot of these have got to be jokes.
I can't see anybody really pulling any of these moves off.
But TT Creamer,
if you will indulge me,
we're going to go through a few a list here
of several positions
that I find interesting.
And some of these I've never ever seen
and some of them sadly I have.
And you can't unpretty things once you've seen them.
Yeah, that's true.
For example,
let's start with a common example
of the Dirty Sanchez.
Now...
I don't know what does that one.
Well, okay,
why don't you explain to our audience
who don't know what a Dirty Sanchez is?
Yes, I'm putting you on the spot to go first.
That's when you're with them
and you're doing them.
And then you reach over
and you just fill them
a row of buccacchi moustache.
Not a buccacchi moustache.
Now, the way I heard it.
And why it's called it...
Well, okay.
It's a dirty Sanchez
because it's a reference,
probably racial reference
to looking like a Mexican
with a dirty moustache.
And you're supposed to be behind the girl
or guy, whatever you're into.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Well, we're going to go with girls here
because that...
I swing from that part of the plate.
Just...
Anyway...
is when you're going from behind
and you give her the old finger in the brown eye
and then wipe it across her lips
so she gets that fake dirty moustache.
So that's one of the most common ones.
Also, very closely related to
the dirty raccoon,
which is that's lesser known cousin,
which involves the same process,
but drawing around the eyelids
like a raccoon.
So it looks like she's...
Then again, of course,
it's supposed to be followed up
with you running outside
and tipping over the garbage cans.
I don't know if that's optional or not.
Then there's...
Okay, now...
Then there's the big debate here.
And let's see what your view on this is.
Tea bagging.
There are two trains of thought
on what tea bagging is.
So, one train of thought
says that tea bagging
is when you put your balls
into a girl's eyes,
another thought is when you dip
the entire ball sack,
balls and all,
into her mouth.
Now, which one
have you heard
is the definition for tea bagging?
Oh, the one I heard about was the eyes.
The eyes.
Really?
I have always come from the school
that it has to be completely dipped in a mouth.
And let me tell you my logic behind this
because I analyze this.
Tea bagging.
The act of making tea
involves you dipping tea bags
into water,
into a moist mixture
so that you can actually make tea.
So, I figured the true definition
of tea bagging in this context
has to involve moisture.
So, let's see what I said.
You're wetting.
You can add moisture.
You're true.
I think we'd have to come up.
I think we'd have to come up with a new name
for that one.
And, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's not.
That's not a question.
I didn't want to visualize that.
I can't unhear that one either.
Well,
and I also,
I had this discussion
with Drupes a while back
and Drupes is the authority on tea bagging.
Drupes is tea bagging
more than anyone
I've ever met in my life.
And Drupes agrees with me
that the tea bag involves the mouth.
So, there it is.
I'm officially putting an end to this debate.
Tea bag balls in the mouth.
The end.
Now, there'll be like this big controversy
on the hacker public radio feedback
on this episode of people coming back and forth.
I hope they don't make comments on this one.
Oh, yeah, they will.
All right.
All right.
So, actually, the next one on my list
is one of your favorites,
and it's called Shrimping.
Oh, boy.
Shrimping is that.
What is Shrimping?
Shrimping is when you enjoy the taste of toes.
Oh, how can you enjoy the taste of toes?
First of all,
is it matter?
Is it like a sub-genre of the fetish
that the toe,
are they clean or dirty?
I mean, is that what makes-
Oh, they gotta be clean.
They gotta be clean.
Is there like some little faction
of people who like sucking dirty toes?
Oh, I certainly hope not.
Is that like rotten shrimping
or something like that?
Is that like a
spoiled shrimping?
I don't know.
You know what?
That was actually very mild.
See, that's at least.
You know what?
Nobody gets hurt in that,
unless you bite off somebody's pinky toe.
But at least that one's the-
What is it?
A victimless crime?
Well, feedbacking is a good word of it.
Yeah, tea bagging.
See, the thing about tea bagging,
I don't think I could ever do that again.
I'm just good with checks.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't think I could take-
To me, that is taking my life into my hands
because it's just my luck that she would sneeze
with my balls in her mouth and chop off my-
I just made our entire listening audience cringe, didn't I?
But seriously, I-
That's too important.
That equipment is too important to dip down into, uh, yeah.
I just-
I don't think I could ever do that.
No, no, no, no.
You know what, I really think we can honestly agree
that that has got to be, you know, on the top three lists
of favorite organs of most actors listening.
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
You know what?
I spend the better part of my day trying to keep sharp objects away
from my genitalia.
It's just kind of a life model of mine.
I just try to do you.
I just try not to, you know.
I don't walk around swinging my balls towards knives
and piece and stuff like that.
So, you know, I'm the kind of guy
that if I could find a comfortable cup
that I could just wear 24-7,
you know, the more protection the better is in my mind.
Uh, let's see, where are we?
Okay, so we talked about scrimping.
We talked about key bagging.
Next thing I-
on my list is a Blumpkin.
Have you ever heard of a Blumpkin?
That's a new one, mate.
Okay, a Blumpkin.
Okay, I, uh, let's say I think not theory taught me
about what a Blumpkin is.
As well as a, as well as a Rosebud,
which is something I don't want to visualize ever.
But a Blumpkin.
He used to be pretty bold this not theory guy.
You keep mentioning it.
Yeah, he's, um, he's been around the block too.
I will.
Um, he mentioned a Blumpkin to me
and didn't tell me what it was and made me go look it up.
And I, of course, want to come to find out
that a Blumpkin is when you are sitting on the toilet
and getting a blowjob and taking a dump at the same time.
Which, that seems like that would be,
my body would not be very cooperative
with those two things at the same time.
There'd be a lot of muttle fluctuation going on.
Secondly, the person who'd be willing to perform said act on a poem.
That's, that's a lot too.
I mean, I, I'm certain you'd have to pay extra for something like that.
Oh, I'm certain.
But remember, you gotta keep in mind.
Not theory's the same guy that taught me what a Rosebud was,
which is, of course, very popular in the gay community
from what I understand.
And it involves,
it involves not that there's anything wrong with that.
But it involves somehow,
I guess, taking a vacuum cleaner to your rectum
and pulling something inside out so that it looks like a Rosebud expanding.
Oh, take me to a hospital now.
I know.
I know. I, I threw up in my mouth a little when I first heard about how and you.
And that's something you'll never forget.
See, that, that's, that's a visual that you'll never ever be able to get out of your mind.
And there are websites.
There are websites dedicated to Rosebud's.
Go Google it. You will not find.
Yeah, if you Google for Rosebud, for God's sake,
have safe search turned on.
Please, people.
I cannot emphasize this enough.
Speaking of anal, one of my favorite moves, of course, is surprise anal.
And that's, of course, when you're with a girl and you just,
as soon as you get the opportunity, you just back out and ram in real fast
and scream out, surprise anal!
Oh, of course, that usually, you can only usually pull that one off one time
because they, they'll usually not come back after pulling a move like that.
So you got to imagine.
Oh, yeah.
Now, I've had a few others here that were new, even to me.
These are some recent ones that I have not seen before.
Let me give you this one.
It's called the Cajun Hot Stick.
All right, now, now I can't even, I'm already laughing.
Exactly, I'm already laughing from the name of this.
The Cajun Hot Stick.
And I don't know, I mean, see, here's, this is one of those things
like, who figures this stuff out?
This one's got to be not, it almost seems like it can't be real yet.
It has a scientific explanation as though someone has tried this and tested the waters.
The Cajun Hot Stick is when you chew some chewing tobacco,
you spit it onto your penis,
and then stick it in a girl's ass.
And it's supposedly called the Cajun Hot Stick
because apparently chewing tobacco burns sensitive skin.
So apparently this will cause a burning sensation in the rectum of your partner.
Isn't it funny that I'm trying to select the number one?
Isn't it funny that I'm trying to selectively choose polite words
to walk around such a disgusting show and add?
There's no way to lighten this stuff up.
You're gonna spit some back on your dick and butt fuck a chick.
Oh, it's a butter ass.
There's no polite way to dance around that.
I think we just cleared out the room.
Yeah, well, we gave them a warning at the beginning of the show.
Oh, so...
Oh, I told you, oh my disclaimer.
What in God's name does this have to do with hacking?
I have no earthly idea, but I'm sure next...
That's a poor experimentation now.
Well, you know what? All information should be free.
Is that not the hacker motto, the truism that all information?
We're just freeing some information that...
Okay, now second guessing.
Maybe all information should not be free.
Maybe we should prove that tonight.
Maybe we should keep some of this in the privacy lawyer.
If you want to give your chick the Cajun Hot Stick,
hey, knock yourself out.
You know, whatever.
But I'm gonna go forward with this and share this information.
I'm sure next episode 70 will be back to some better material.
It can't be any worse.
Actually, you know what?
Speaking of not theory, not theory's mutinability.
If you've ever seen that on the website, he has a mutinability.
And it's a little move we call the Albatross.
And the Albatross.
The Albatross, of course, named after the big bird with the wings
and the flopping around.
See, this one's funny to me.
I do the magic python's kiss.
There's a mighty python.
Not with this Albatross, I bet you.
This Albatross involves a woman again or...
No, I guess it's okay.
In this case, it does have to be a woman.
No, wait a minute. Maybe not.
Okay, I gotta think out the physics of this.
I guess it could be...
Exactly, I gotta analyze and study this.
Alright, I guess it could be either one.
But we're gonna go with woman who has a man on each side of her,
one cock in each hand, one in front of her,
who she's getting a blowjob to,
and one coming from behind,
all working at the same time.
And this is funny to me only because the visual of it,
because you can see the head going back and forth.
The arms going back and forth up and down like those damn birds
that you see flying and walking and waddling around.
So it's a visually funny move.
And right, frankly, I think this is really common in porno, isn't it?
I mean...
I've seen that.
Well, as professionals, of course, you and I have seen it.
I shouldn't have said that is such a questioning manner, right?
Yes.
Exactly, okay.
Yeah, they're the special stunt people that do the special work
for the full hour industry.
They're the stunt cocks.
Bring in the stunt car.
Yeah.
Because, you know, they only have us there for the acting portion of the movies.
Yeah.
When I find facial maneuvers.
Exactly.
When it comes in for the actual dangerous stuff, like the T-bagging,
then, you know, I'm sorry, I got to have a stunt sack in there,
doubling for me, because I'm not getting my football chopped off.
Along the same line of these visually funny,
is a little something I read about called the cold faithful.
Not the old faithful, but the cold faithful.
And the cold faithful is just visually funny,
because it involves you just before you're about to bust and not
that you run outside and blast into the snow,
so that you can see the steam coming off of your load as it comes out.
Now, I've got to say, I haven't tried this, but...
And I'm in Florida.
We don't get snow.
You might have to try this one for me.
Tell me how it works.
So, actually, don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
But you might just want to try this for your own experimentation.
And see if this is really true.
Oh, it's a nervous thing.
Well, it depends on your neighbors.
You might be surprised, but that's being a character there.
But you got to admit, okay, listen, funny as it is,
you got to admit that would be pretty fucking empowering.
If I could blow a load that has smoke coming off of it,
I'd feel pretty fucking manly.
You got to admit that.
I'd feel like fucking spider-man or something.
Like, I got superpowers.
I get super steening jizz.
That's got to be fucking empowering.
You don't feel like you didn't conquer the world.
I'm still the next man's dying fucking dangling.
There you go, with my new ability to shoot his cold faithful.
Well, for those of us in hot climates,
I don't know.
We don't have an equivalent to that.
Speaking of cold climates, a great segue into this next bundle of moves here.
Something called the cold rodeo.
Snowmobile or the snow plow.
I've heard it calls different things.
Have you ever heard of either one of these?
No, no.
I should have grabbed from me, man.
Now, this one's one of the ones.
I don't think if you do get away with this,
it would only be once, because this has got to be a joke one.
But this is when you're coming at your partner from behind.
You've got a girl on all fours.
And you're going at a pretty hard and heavy.
And right about when she's getting into it,
she's not really paying attention.
You slip your arms in front of her,
knock her arms out from under her,
make her face bang on the floor,
and then push her around the room,
as though you're riding a snowmobile or pushing a snow plow.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Another one we're going to get,
well, we can see the customers.
Well, and you know, if this one gets better,
this one gets better because
that's just the first part of the move.
If you're feeling really adventurous,
I can't.
Okay, hold on.
I'm trying my best not to laugh.
I'm trying my best not to laugh.
And you're feeling really adventurous.
You can take the snow plow to the next level,
into something that you call the avalanche.
And that's when, of course,
after you've got her on the floor,
you push her over towards the stairs and ride her down.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Deep breath.
Deep breath.
Okay.
Deep breath.
Oh, shit.
I'm crying.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Nobody.
Okay.
So nobody's, you know what?
Somebody's probably tried a snow plow.
I don't know about the avalanche.
That's a little, you know.
That's got to be sure.
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
I'm crying.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Well, you know,
that's got to be silly,
but still funny as hell.
Look at me, possible.
All right.
I bet you'll,
I bet you'll,
I bet you'll be avalanche as illegal in a few states.
I think it's probably equally awful.
You're going to face first down the stairs.
That's, yeah.
That's a broken necker.
That's, that's at least a bent dick of nothing else.
And that's also something I don't want to go into.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay.
Now, there are tons of these out there on the interwebs.
I picked some of the ones that I thought were the funniest.
So the next one that I found that I thought was kind of funny.
And this one,
I guarantee you,
has happened before.
It's called the Abracadabra.
And it's known by a lot of other names,
but I like the Abracadabra.
And,
and you might even,
after I tell you what this is,
you might even have known somebody.
Because this is probably more common than we think.
Probably in college,
I could see this happening.
Abracadabra is when you're entertaining,
your partner,
or you have a girl over or whatever,
and you're doing your thing,
you're getting into it.
Preferably you're from behind.
And what you do is you have a friend come in
and take your place real quickly.
You come out,
you let the other person go in.
Hopefully they don't notice.
Hopefully they don't notice.
Well, you know,
you kind of keep it in motion,
you pull out,
you get the next guy goes in,
she's facing the other way.
You know, she might not notice who knows.
But,
the funny part is then,
you either walk around and come in from another room
or another angle
and go outside the window.
Jump up and down to grab her attention
so that when she looks up,
she sees you outside
and you scream out,
Abracadabra!
Of course, she's still wondering
who the hell is with her.
And,
yeah,
and this is probably why
we don't have female listeners on the show.
You know,
I should never wonder that ever again.
Yeah, there is no two.
Yeah.
You know what?
I just realized,
all of these are,
calling these are in favor of the men.
So, I mean,
we need some women
they're going to write some equal time positions up
to counteract them.
Exactly.
We have to promise equal five to the ladies.
Exactly.
All right.
We will say this.
We will give them time
to respond to some of these
or to come up with some better ones of their own.
There's going to be a lot of
break-breaking and ball-busting in them.
But, I don't know if I'll be able to read those.
Well, anyway.
What else do I have?
We're getting down to the end.
Some of my favorites.
All right.
So, another one that's fairly well-known
that there's no way
that this really happens.
Right?
I don't think.
It's called the Cleveland steamer.
Do you know what this one is?
No!
The Cleveland steamer
is when you are getting head,
girls laying down, you're getting head,
so you're up around the facial area,
sitting on her chest,
and while you're getting hell,
while you're getting head, excuse me,
maybe that was a Freudian slip.
You defecate on the girl's chest
while you're getting head.
Of course, you can't see it.
And all of a sudden there's this big Cleveland steamer
on her chest.
Yeah.
Again, that's kind of like the bluntkin.
I don't know if anatomically,
I could pull that off.
Does the human nervous system
allow that?
I don't know.
If I'm in the middle of getting...
Well, I mean, there's one way to find out listeners
if you want to write in
until they're experiencing.
How does this work out for you then?
Maybe we have some people
that can verify this,
but I don't think I can pull it off.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm, hey, acid, I'm honest.
That's when I need the stunt cock to come in
to finish that.
I don't think I can pull that one off.
You know what?
A little bit of X-lax goes a long way,
maybe?
I don't know how the tricks of the porn trade are.
I mean, I do because I'm a professional
and, okay, anyway, whatever.
All right, two more.
Last two here are my favorite.
One is called the Werewolf.
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.
All right, this is the Werewolf.
The Werewolf involves...
Do you know what a Werewolf is?
Have you ever heard of this one?
I see it on a Werewolf with those movies.
Okay, well, visually,
and picture the Werewolves in the movies,
then you'll know where I'm going with this.
And this is actually a newer one.
This one, a lot of people haven't heard of this one.
I don't think the Werewolf is when...
You know you're going to get a little action later tonight.
You shave off your crossable region a little bit
and leave the hair by the bed or area
where you're going to be.
And then, after you're finished doing the act,
and you bust a nut on the girl's face
or chest or wherever it is,
you grab a hair full of hair and throw it on her
so she looks like a werewolf.
And that would be easy.
It has glue to her with black, right?
Exactly, exactly.
Oh, God.
I'm sure that's a one-time move, too.
I don't know.
And that's, uh, yeah.
Again, that's got to be one of those made-up ones.
You know, the funny thing is, you're probably made...
You're affecting your lady like that one.
Exactly, exactly.
These are made-up...
Completely as jokes, I'm sure, originally.
But I guarantee you some drunk college kid has tried most
of everything we've talked about tonight.
I know it's got to happen, so...
All right, the last one of the night.
My absolute favorite of all time.
This is the funniest visual thing I've ever heard of
before it's called dog in a bathtub.
One that I would never attempt to do.
It's called dog in a bathtub.
Never attempt to do this one because once again,
it seems painful, seems like it would hurt.
Don't want to risk the dangers involved.
But a dog in a bathtub, named after the visual
that you can imagine trying to keep a dog in the bathtub,
is when you were to insert both of your testicles
into a girl's asshole and hold them there.
Because they're trying to get out
and it's trying to be pushed out,
like trying to get a dog to stand a bathtub.
I don't want shitty balls.
I don't want my balls squeezed by a brown eye.
I don't want any kind of dangerous activities
happening around my testicular area.
I want my balls clean and intact.
I don't think it's too much to ask out of life.
If I die with no scars on my scrotum,
I'll be a happy man.
Don't make me throw up on the air.
You just barked on the air.
I just totally heard that.
That is a hacker public radio first,
gagging on a 69 out of the scope of hacker public radio.
What better way to end the show.
And my god, this was as long as an episode of BenRet Radio.
But, hacker public radio episode 69,
anything you want to say in summary.
Yeah, don't move everything you're real.
I'm thinking internet.
You know what?
I don't think we can end anything better than that.
Don't believe everything you read or hear on the internet.
Everything that I know about Pron,
I learned on the interwebs,
and it's all completely made up and artificial.
Don't do.
What is it to disclaimer?
Please do not try any of these things to give her it on the show.
We are not responsible for that.
Exactly, exactly.
So, TT Creamers,
thank you for joining me on the show tonight.
Buck Dangler, TT Creamers, signing off for episode 69 of hacker public radio.
And now, and now, oh my god, I just realized what else.
What sponsor in the world would want to be associated with this episode?
Well, the one you're about to hear now.
That never will be proud of us. I'm sure.
God, I hope they don't need this episode.
Thank you for listening to Hacker Public Radio.
HPR is sponsored by Carol.net,
so head on over to C-A-R-O dot-N-T for all of us here.
Thank you.