hpr-knowledge-base/hpr_transcripts/hpr0763.txt

Episode: 763
Title: HPR0763: Worst movie ever
Source: https://hub.hackerpublicradio.org/ccdn.php?filename=/eps/hpr0763/hpr0763.mp3
Transcribed: 2025-10-08 02:04:07

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Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Once again, this is Mr. Gadgets and I have a new series of things. Hopefully people will find this interesting
to call in. The worst movie I ever saw. Now, of course, there will be two
qualifications for this, a major TV movies and movies that were at least initially destined to be in the theater.
I'm sorry to say that I already know the worst movies that have ever been made, at least 14.
One of them is, okay, turn the way back machine to the late 70s, mid to late 70s, and I believe that's right.
Anyway, I know exactly what it was. It was about three to six months after Star Trek Wrath of Con was in the movie theaters.
Okay, and at that point, then there was a made for TV movie with obviously a pilot that was going to be a television show. It was a success.
I forget what was happening on this particular Sunday night, but there was something where there was a mini series that I'd seen many times before on one channel.
And some sporting event I wasn't interested in on another channel. And, you know, children, this is for those of you two younger
members. This is back before the time frame of, you know, well, the ability to record at home had just become available.
Right. And, you know, so that was, there was no millions of cable channels. There were three channels, okay.
And so the third channel, and I think was in DC, but don't go beyond that, was showing a movie called Highway Honey.
Now, what peaked my interest about this was Kirstie Alley. That's why I remember that was right after Wrath of Con. Kirstie Alley was in this movie.
There's one other person on the planet, besides that people involved with the movie and, you know, producing it and such, that actually saw this, which explains why it never became a TV series, I guess.
And that was my best friend who worked with me and he and I just happened to have come upon it. And so weeks later, we were talking about it, and you know, found out that we had both happened to have watched this movie.
Highway Honey's, okay. Highway Honey's were the Angel Toe Company. The Angel Toe Company was three blonde, rather Nordic-looking people, okay.
Father, daughter, and son. And they ran Angel Toe-ing. And then there was Apocalypse Toe, which, oh, and of course Angel Toe-ing were white, you know, tow trucks.
And Apocalypse Toe, yes, Apocalypse Toe, and there were four tow trucks of the Apocalypse. And they were all black tow trucks. And one of the, in a very nice, you know, tight-looking, I think it was even leather jumpsuit for her towing job was Kirstie Alley, right, dark-haired.
That's about all I could remember about it. It was so appallingly bad. I guess maybe my mind has totally completely blocked whatever path for a plot line.
So Highway Honey's starting Kirstie Alley and went nowhere, Angel Toe, again Apocalypse Toe.
One viewing, as far as I know, ever that happened on network television. Now that's number two. Number one, worst movie ever made. I will contend was Ring of the Musketeers.
I saw this in the 90s while I was home with my daughter in grade school while she was sick.
And I was watching things that were available on the limited cable that we did have at that particular point. And I ran across Ring of the Musketeers.
The storyline behind this is there's a ring that has been passed down from the original three Musketeers, which is really four with Dr. Young, right.
And the original Musketeers have been passed a ring down from father to son through the years and through the years that have always been four Musketeers that have been protecting Louis.
Oh, no, no, that's the original Musketeers saving France. Well, maybe not so much saving France, but fighting for justice, right, fighting for justice and fighting to right wrongs and fighting evil in the world.
And by the time we got to the modern day of the 90s, we had, of course, the descendants of the Musketeers.
And they had to discover that they were indeed the ring holders. And the person who helped them discover this was John Rice Babies.
John Rice Babies, okay, let's take a slight, a slight detour here. What is it with John Rice Babies? Okay.
He will take any script that someone sends him. He will take the part. Okay. Anything. He will take it. This is after the indie movie.
And he's still, right, he's been on the Indiana Jones movies, and he still takes this piece of carp. It's a nanogram.
Script. And he's in it, right? He'll be in stuff from sci-fi. He'll be, I mean, Jay, I have a theory. And it goes that there's a massive amount of money that's owed.
And my theory goes that it's either, if some combination of alimony and gambling gets, that must be involved here.
But I mean, he will take any piece, oh, carp that somebody shoves into rather than, he'll do it as long as he's available, even post Lord of the Rings.
What's up with that? Anyway, John Rice Babies runs a antique store, and you know, he's telling these people about how they are the keepers of the rings of the Musketeers. And, and get in contact with them.
Poor sources, great, great, great, whatever, grand daughter, is a rather statuesque blonde, who I've once again, I think within a kind of a leather jumpsuit, and came in in the first scene where you saw her, kind of coming through some steam on the street on a big, Harley motorcycle.
You know, and she just got the heart pumping for the young gentleman, I'm sure.
I forget who one of the, what of the descendants was, but I do remember that for Aramus, or I think it was Aramus, Teach Martin got a hold of the ring, but he really wasn't the descendant of Aramus.
He was like a burglar or something. Anyway, through some ill-gotten game methodology, Teach had the ring. And so he was representing that.
Okay, what truly makes this the worst thing in the world, though, is I forget what is the first two names were John Michael, let's say, Dr. Yang.
Right, John Micheaux, Dr. Yang is, and I'm not sure about the first two middle names, but you know, the descendant of Dr. Yang is the horse.
Yes, David Hasselhoff is the descendant of Dr. Chenyong, and the best part, and you can tell that this is a pilot right, is his alter ego when he's not fighting crime with his ring of the vets, but he's, he's a pop singer.
So they had to put into the movie a street concert where so the Hoff was going to get to promote his pop singing career by singing on the show.
Oh my lord.
It's just I have searched in vain for a copy of ring of the last years on DVD or some medium so that I could own it for my own, because it's just so excursiating again that anyway, that's it.
The worst thing I've ever made in my opinion, and I have seen some bad movies.
That's all for Mr. Gadgett here today. Hope you like this idea, and I hope you will call in with your bad movie experience whether it involves the Hoff or Teach Martin or whatever it involves.
And until then, you stay safe out here on the technological frontier and on the movie watching frontier, and we'll talk to you next time. Bye now.
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Thanks for watching.